Krishna had some news for me, which were usually tit bits of new found wisdom. Whenever his soul searching pursuit rendered him broke, he came to me. All I had to do was buy him lunch.
I often agreed to this request, and Krishna thought of it as his entitled retribution. After all who could ever place a price tag on knowledge?
When folks teased me that he was like my dumb kid brother, I would tell them he got into Harvard and just to be able to stick it to the man, decided to go to community college and take honor credits in criminal justice with convicts. It was only his long absences that I couldn't explain and for that matter, I was always curious.
Often rumors began to spread about my friend and I felt it was my duty to clear his name. It would happen just like that. Krishna would pop out of nowhere and we would light up a cigarette and reunite like long lost buddies. The good old days had once again arrived.
Krishna said he had a secret for me, which was that last summer he found where his power resided. I knew that this time he was not referring to the might of his whipcord abdomen, his steel biceps or those thunder thighs as he called them.
Krishna said he had matured enough to realize that his athletic achievements were insignificant, and I being his fat bastard best friend dared not to disagree.
I realized that for the first time in our friendship I might have been impressed with Krishna. I had a chance to be genuinely happy for him, and I didn't have to wait until his rant of megalomania slowly subsided into self-deprecation, to feel good about myself again.
Krishna wanted to speak to me about a greater power, the power he could harness to change himself, and if necessary, the world as we knew existed, which I figured, had not done him much good. Krishna would have agreed with me on this, because if you are thirty, glisten with the physique of a Greek god, and are still a virgin, something just wasn't right about your life. I was proud that Krishna was closing in on this deficiency.
For an insight into my friends new found strength, all I had to do was take him to our local Dim Sum, suck up the damp air, order an item from the lunch menu and promise him copious amounts of the cheapest ale available. I figured it was a small price for some wisdom. I was going to be the obliging pupil. If there was a method to the madness that had consumed most of my life, I wanted to be certified insane.
Krishna began by reminding me, often irritatingly, that he had received a premonition about his immanent magnificence. One day he realized that in addition to being able to stare continuously for many minutes without batting an eyelid, he had harnessed a photographic memory.
Usually I dared the rascal to his claims, but this time I wanted to be patient. I told myself that even if Krishna was right and I lost the bet, he would surrender the secret of his new found wisdom for the right amount of alcohol. There would be a couple of unforgettable laughs and all my anxieties of worthlessness would subside. After a few rounds, the temptation to hold Krishna accountable was unbearable and I asked him what he remembered from our just concluded stroll to Ming's Dim Sum.
Little did I know that Krishna's new avatar would leave such an impression! With the confidence of a new messiah, Krishna recited phone numbers and addresses for every liquor and drug store in the neighborhood. He even brought to my attention those that tolerated minor larceny, which was always good to know. Lastly, from random posters, Krishna gave me three different hotlines for sexual abuse victims.
The last scrupulous detail of contact information was unsurprising, as Krishna had reminded me during most of our adolescent years that he was dedicated to retain the type of virginity that dealt with what could spring into your asshole.
I had to ask him what he thought the significance of his new found gift was, and all Krishna could say after wiping his lips dry with that sneering beer smile was "Go figure."
The lesson as usual was incomplete, but I learned never to underestimate the lure of having your self-worth enhanced with ridicule. It's sheer power.