by Frederick Kessinger

Created on: December 22, 2008

Most parents have experienced it at one time or another. Your young child does something that shocks or offends you, or that simply goes against the grain of how you would have them act, and then you suddenly realize that their action was actually an emulation of your actions. Sometimes it is funny, other times it is outright embarrassing. It is all part of the learning process for both child and parent.

What a lot of parents of younger children may not realize, however, is how some of their actions might affect their child when they reach adulthood. Some effects are obvious, mostly the positive influences. Most parents know that children learn morals and values at a young age and refine them throughout their teenage years. The absolutes of right and wrong are usually easy to define and instill in a child at a young age, and for the most part, those absolute values are retained barring any major life altering events.

One of the most detrimental situations for developing children is complacency by the parents for issues that should be absolute. Many of these complacency issues manifest in the actions of the parents and are not recognizable as problematic until years later when the child is an adult. As an example, take a father who drinks consistently, but is not a mean or raging alcoholic. The mother accepts this as a way of life and becomes a co-dependent to the drinking. Neither the mother nor the father sees a problem with this, but they certainly would not want to see their child or children in the same situation. When the child is grown, there is a possibility that their view on the subject of alcoholism will be somewhat diluted. On the other hand, the adult child may have a zero tolerance toward alcohol due to the effects it had on the mother through her co-dependency.

Another example, and one that is painfully obvious to the current generation of young adults, is the two-income household. When many of us were young children, traditional' family values included the idea that Dad brought home the bacon and Mom raised the children. This is not an invitation for a debate on feminism or women's rights; it is simply the way it was when many of us were young. There are positive and negative effects to the changes that have taken place in traditional family values. The point is that most family values pass on to the next generation, along with any additions or subtractions to those values. A young woman growing up today is taught to think about her career well before she finishes high school.

Some actions that seem petty or insubstantial to the parent can have devastating effects on a grown child if they manifest at the wrong time. If the parents tell white lies' that the children find out about later, cheat just a little' on income taxes or even walk out on a dinner tab. If the issues are swept under the rug and the parent never comes to terms with them, this opens a potential door for the grown child to try to get away with the same types of things. Most people know that a life of crime usually starts with something petty and insubstantial' and can take an otherwise wonderful life down the drain in a n instant.

The severity of influence a parent's actions have on their grown children covers a broad spectrum. From views on alcoholism and what to serve for Sunday dinner to lives of crime and struggling to fit in with society. If you love and nurture your children, they will inevitably strive to be like you whether they realize it or not. Every action you take as a parent should be preceded with the question Is this something I would want my child to do later in life?'

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