by Annie Riedi

Created on: December 22, 2008

Dating Tips for Larger Ladies

I have always struggled with my weight and gone up and down in pounds, but inside there was a fat girl. She's always been there, and I have always second guessed myself about people finding interest in me. I remember being in a bar once and noticing a guy who also noticed me. He obviously noticed me. But I kept thinking in my head, he's not looking at me, he's looking at someone else, why would he look at me? I'm so fat. Looking back, I was not as grotesque as I believed I was, and I made the assumption that he only liked skinny girls and I certainly wasn't one.

The internal dialogue is not always a correct one. Here are some things I have learned from dating.

Tip 1:
Don't assume someone likes a certain type. Just like some people prefer blonds or brunettes, or like people with long hair or short hair, you cannot tell if you are someone's type just by looking at them. You have a type too, and you will reject certain people based on their looks or what they say. All people have a right to have a type. And they will have that type for certain reasons, good or bad.

Tip 2:
Get to know someone first. We all know that men will try and push for a sexual encounter as soon as possible. It is the woman who makes sure to have an emotional connection who will have more success at finding a relationship. We all have drives, you probably want to have sex too, but it doesn't mean that there is anything on the other side. And, for both men and women, there is an emotional connection to sex (whether they admit it or not) which is hard to overcome. A person generally has lower respect for someone who rushes into sex than someone who waits.

Tip 3:
Work on your confidence and self-esteem. Don't put your self-esteem problems on someone else. We all have issues, some are more obvious than others. People can see your weight. You cannot see that a potential date is lazy, has a bad relationship with his family, or doesn't have career goals and is coasting through life.

Tip 4:
Find someone who has the same level of drive for life as you do. If you want to go back to school, find someone who is excited about that or who wants to go back to school themselves. This will lead to a partnership that can grow and change.

Tip 5:
Allow others to sympathize with you in their own way. I grew up with ugly scars from appendicitis. I carried those scars into my adulthood and felt shame about them. When I tried to talk to my boyfriend at the time about them, he pointed out a tiny little scar on his chest. I did not see that as the same thing and thought he was trivializing my scars. I realized later that he was trying to share something with me. But I was too high on my "I'm damaged" horse to recognize it.

There's no sense in beating yourself up or denying yourself some fun based on your weight. Live life to the fullest and expect others to meet the standards you set for people in your life. If they can't meet them, then move on. There is no need to waste time on people who don't value you for you.

Learn more about this author, Annie Riedi.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.