by Barbara Whitlock

Created on: December 22, 2008   Last Updated: January 05, 2009

The most common advice for how to prepare your two-year-old for a new baby focuses on "talking to him." I'm going to go against that wave and advise you to say little and do much. Toddlers are too young to understand "the talk." Better to "do the walk."

Preparing your two-year-old for a new baby brother or sister requires parent preparation first. And it may require your acting skills as well. A new baby adds much more than plus one to your family life. But your challenge is to pretend like it's simple and easy - no big deal. Why? Your toddler is watching your every move and feels your energy. Here's how to prepare yourself and your two-year old to perceive as minor this major shift in his small universe.

Hide the good news as long as possible

You've found out you're pregnant again, and you are just bursting to tell everyone. But, don't tell your toddler, and hold everyone to this goal. Why? Nine months is almost half of your toddler's entire life. Waiting that long will be torture; it will feel like an eternity. Fast forward and picture your child asking you seven times every day: "Is the baby coming yet?" You get the picture.

How long should you wait? Ideally, until your child asks, but at least until you start showing. Your child will ask: Why is your tummy so big mommy? Then you can tell him about the baby at a stage when he can feel a kick or movement. This grounds an abstract piece of news into something concrete.

Involve big brother/sister in some decisions

You might say: "This child is two-year's old - what can he decide?" Plenty! There are scores of minor decisions to be made: Let him help choose colors for a room, an outfit, bottles, etc. His contributions, though minor, invest him in the process of welcoming and preparing for a baby.

Often parents make the mistake of leaving all the baby preparation to talking. A toddler is not a sophisticated communicator. But physical choices he can make and see help him process the upcoming change and feel a part of it. Make it concrete, not just chat.

Don't introduce anxieties not yet named

Your child will follow your lead. If adding the baby to your family is taken in stride, your toddler most likely will take it in stride. There are exceptions: Some children, by nature, are anxious. If anxieties arise, never discount them. Always affirm: "Yes, some big brothers and sisters feel like that sometimes. I don't think you'll feel like this after you can kiss and tickle your new baby sister/brother's toes, but if you do you

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