by Terry Marsh

Created on: December 22, 2008   Last Updated: June 02, 2010

There is really no deep, dark secret to understanding men. Men are strongly influenced by their upbringing or their associations. If a woman wants to know the basic characteristics of a particular man, then she should get to know his friends. Guys hang around other guys like themselves.

Many women fail to realize though, that it is not nearly as important to understand all men as it is to understand that one man in their lives. Men come in all shapes, sizes, energy levels, and skin tones. But, they are also products of different home environments, academic backgrounds, social influences, and past relationship experiences. All of these influences have had some impact on their thoughts, beliefs, and emotions, and largely determines how they approach or express themselves in subsequent relationships.

Too many women turn to friends or listen to beauty parlor gossipers when seeking advice on men. Sure, the insight of other women and some salon therapy can certainly produce a few relevant theories. But usually what they hear is disgruntled rantings by unhappy women who don't have solutions to their own relationship problems.

When it comes to gaining a better understanding of a man, then ask the man. Many women find themselves completely mystified by the male species, but men are not as complicated as they would have women to believe. Most men carry certain gender characteristics which are inherent in all men, but to generalize that all men fit neatly into preconceived demographic groupings may be detrimental to the relationship with the man in your life.

If women really want to know how to understand men, they need to learn the importance of asking questions. Don't just listen to what a man has to say, because the evolution of relationships has conditioned most men to say what they think women want to hear. Instead, listen to how a man answers the same series of questions when repeated over a period of time. If the answers gradually change, then his initial responses were not given with a true conviction, but merely designed to impress. On the other hand, if his answers remain consistent, then you are dealing with a man who is fairly comfortable with himself and is firm in his convictions.

That's not to say that either man is any better or any worse than the other. It's more of what is important to the woman. The man whose answers have gradually changed over time may be creative, artistic, and more of a free spirit. He may also be more of a romantic, and more prone to be spontaneous in expressing himself and in living.

The man whose answers remained consistent may be a rock of stability, but he may also be very rigid in his thinking and in how he expresses himself emotionally. He may be more likely to follow through with promises, be on time for dates, and live within a budget, but he'll probably be less likely to knock a woman off of her feet with some impromptu show of emotional expression.

But, before ever attempting to understand men, many women should consider developing a much greater understanding of themselves. Determining exactly what it is they are looking for in a man, and being firm on what they will not accept in a relationship, aids in eliminating those men who do not fit their prerequisites. Making personal compromises on important personality or lifestyle traits could possibly compromise one's long term happiness.

And there isn't much that any group of girls in the beauty salon can tell you that will help you with that.

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