by Georgia Stewart

Created on: December 21, 2008

It is extremely simple to celebrate Christmas without Christ and you can begin as early as your Christmas shopping. Simply walk through the town and utterly ignore the homeless teenager who's huddled in a doorway as you go from store to store loading up your bags with gifts, extra indulgent food no one in your family actually needs and expensive, useless decorations.

You will require the decorations, especially the ones on the outside of your house in order to let everybody know that you're being extravagant in the name of a man who lived two millennium years ago as a poor man. A man whose food was bread, fish and olives as oppose to rich cake, chocolate and mince pies.

As you head off to Church on Christmas Eve conjure up your most scornful, superior expression to kindly give to the young prostitute who offers her wares, herself, to the middle aged man with the beer belly because her father abused her and she has nowhere to go, no one to turn to and nothing to live for. She's probably a bit like the one in the story and should give up her wicked ways and follow Christ like she did, despite the fact that no one shows her any kindness as he did her.

When you choose your Christmas tree ensure that it's the largest one that you can find because you are generous to a fault and wish your children to love it. Of course the cutting down of the trees causes deforestation, decimation of the Ozone layer and Global Warming but all of your neighbours have one so it's essential. Certainly Christ would approve because it's only once a year and your mainly doing it all for him.

A good tip is to spend five minutes talking to your auntie, the one who lost her husband and you ignore for the rest of the year round; it might make you feel less guilty when you say goodbye and are glad to see the back of her. Put some Christmas cake and half a bottle of sherry in her bag to take with her to raise her spirits, it's a gesture she'll be grateful for as she sighs and goes back to her empty house.

Finally over-indulge if you can; after all Christ turned water into wine so he ensured the alcohol was flowing at the party. The moral of the tale probably wasn't about saving the best until last, miracles or giving, I assume it was about being drunk and throwing up.

So yes it's possible to have a Christmas without Christ if you sing Christmas hymns about him, give people Christmas cards containing pictures of him as a baby, while ignoring the people that need your help and acting as though his teachings were worthless and to be ignored at the time that you pretend is meant for him. Happy over-indulgence and I hope you enjoy falling out with a member of your family this year!

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