It was a way to get out the pain that was inside of me. If I'm watching my blood leave me, it was as if that would be some of the pain leaving too. And now I feel like it has become addictive and a way to punish myself. -a 16 year old girl.
It is an actualization of pain. There are several levels. The most basic is that even if you tell people that something is wrong, a lot of times they won't know how wrong. But all they'll do is see a cut along a vein, and they get the message right away.-a 14 year old girl.
Although my cutting began as communication, now I also cut to change how I feel, to regulate her unbearable emotions: when I feel like nobody cares, I cut myself because I think I'm not worth it, and then I take everything out on myself. -a 17 year old girl.
It's so they know I am punishing myself. And some people will look at them and say, What happened? and I say, well, this was when I was really depressed, when I was fifteen. Oh, that's when I was seventeen, and my boyfriend broke up with me. Or I was depressed. So it's like a sign to others, and it's part of myself. -a young woman 20 years old.
As you can see, there are as many reasons for cutting oneself as there is ways to cut. You can "cut" yourself but scratching and pinching, using a knife, razor blade or glass. But look at the common threads in all of these stories; pain, depression, someone listening to what they are really saying.
Our teenage girls are disappearing right before our own eyes and we need to help these girls and the many other girls coming up following in their painful footsteps. We need to equip our girls before they need to learn how to stop cutting. We need to teach all girls, those cutting and those pondering cutting, how to feel again, how to speak and be heard without shedding any blood.
Our teenage girls need to be taught how to identify their own self-worth, build their own self-esteem, and to identify and feel their own feelings. We need to start with the very basics.
Identifying and feeling your feelings is where we need to begin. Write out on a sheet of paper the following feelings and identify which you have felt today, this week, the month.
Happiness
Sadness
Lonliness
Fear
Anger
Depressed
Joy ful
Numb
Alive
Scared
Have a journal or notebook available to ask yourself daily when you felt these emotions and what situations caused the feeling to come about.
In your journal write one positive attribute about yourself. If you heard someone compliment you write it down that day as well. An example would be: Today my hair looked very nice. You may think that this is silly to say, but ask yourself "When was the last time you thought your hair looked nice?" If you don't remember, then it isn't silly to write it down today to remember.
If you passed a test in school today, write that down; "I passed my English test with a B+ today. It was a hard test but I did very well."
In your journal write down a poem, story or draw a picture of the following emotions: Happy, Sad, Tired, Energetic, Angry, Numb, Alive, Joyful, Scared, Nervous. If you can't think of a poem, story or picture, just choose colors to identify the emotions or make smiley faces with the different emotions.
Write down in your journal times when you felt you weren't listened too. Identify why you may not have been understood. Could you have written a letter describing your emotions, talked to a counselor at school, a teacher, a neighbor, or another relative? Do you act like you have no cares at all? If you do, could that be the reason for your voice not being heard? Are the people you choose to talk to confused as to whether you are happy or depressed by your actions? Identifying your true emotions is one step to finding a way to really communicate with others.
Make an EMERGENCY FIRST AID KIT for yourself when you are in an emotional situation that you feel is out of control. Go to that kit first before you start cutting yourself. This kit can included some of the following:
Favorite poems, stories or lyrics
CD of your favorite music when you feel isolated from others
Pictures of family and friends that mean a lot to you
Fragrance or scents that relax you, cinnamon, roses, perfume, anything that brings you comfort
Teddy bear or other stuffed animal that brings you comfort
Note book and pen or pencils to write what you are feeling
A supply of chocolate, favorite candy or other treat that brings you comfort
This kit should be a box or bag that you can take with you whether you are at home or away. Add to the kit as needed to take care of your needs. Keep a copy of some of the best qualities you possess or favorite memories that you can look over and remember how much you matter.
Depression often requires medication in order to overcome. This is because of a chemical imbalance in your brain. You are not defective because you need help. A cancer patient needs medication to heal. A diabetic needs medication to control the blood sugars. A person with a broken arm or leg needs a cast. A person who suffers from depression needs proper medication in order to regulate the chemical make up in their brain.
Seeing a therapist is very beneficial. They are there to instruct us in how to cope with what comes in our lives. They are there to listen to our pain and show us how we are improving. They bring to us a different outlook and validate our fears and concerns.
Crying helps us to feel. When we cry we are releasing the pain that is inside. We are feeling. If we feel, then we don't need to cause ourselves pain by cutting. Be angry when you are angry. Be sad when you are sad. Having feelings and expressing those feelings appropriately will only help us deal with the emotions. It is ok, no necessary for us to feel our feelings, express our feelings and accept that having feelings is a normal part of life.
You don't have to resort to cutting. You deserve more in life and by taking steps to improve your self-worth, self-esteem, identifying and accepting your feelings you can have more in your life.