by Dannett Frey

Created on: December 21, 2008

Many women are interested in ways they can predict whether they are about to become involved with someone who will be physically abusive. Usually battering occurrs between a man and a woman, but battering also takes place in same-sex relationships. Below is a list of behaviors seen in people who beat their partners, the last four signs listed are for battering, but many women do not realize that this is the beginning of physical abuse. If a person exhibits several of the other behaviors, say, three or more, there is a strong potential for physical violence. The more signs a person has, the more likely the person is a batterer. In some cases, a batterer may have only a few behaviors that the woman can recognize, but they are much exaggerated (for example, will try to explain the behavior as a sign of love and concern), a woman may be flattered at first. As time goes on, the behaviors become more severe and serve to dominate and control the woman.

1. JEALOUSY- At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will say that jealousy is a sign of love; jealousy has nothing to do with love. It is a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust. The abuser will question his partner about who she talks to , accuse her of flirting, or be jealous of times she spends with her family, friends or children. As jealousy progresses, he may call her frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly. He may refuse to let her work for fear she'll meet somone else, or even engage in behaviors such as check her car mileage or asking friends to watch her.

2.CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR- At first the batterer will say this behavior is due to his concern for her safety, her need to use her time well, or her need to make good decisions. He will be angry if the woman is "late" coming back from the store or an appointment; he will question her closely about where she went and who she talked with. As this behavior progressess, he may not let the woman make personal decisions about the house, her clothing, or even going to church. He may keep all the money or even make her ask permission to leave the house or room.

3. QUICK INVOLVMENT-Many battered women dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were married, engaged, or living together. He comes on like a whirlwind, claiming "you're the only person I could ever talk to", or "I've never been loved like this by anyone." He will pressure the woman to commit to the relationship in such a way that later the woman may feel very guilty or

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