by Patricia Bunch

Created on: December 21, 2008

Among all the emotions expressed by humanity, grief is an emotion we must, at some point in our life experience due to the loss of a person we love. No matter how hard we try, there is no way to avoid this dreaded happening and there is no way to prepare for this devastating event. The first time death comes to our door, the initial shock coupled with the loss and the pain has the potential to alter us for life. It may drive one to the breaking point and bereavement counseling could be the tool to rescue someone who has no concept of the stages of grief. Unless one has some teaching or background in grief counseling, they have no way to understand if how they are feeling is normal or abnormal.

There are differences in grief depending on who has departed this life and the relationship that person shared with the ones left behind. It is in the normal cycle of life for parents to depart this life before their children, but it isn't in the normal cycle of life for parents to survive their children; however on the flip side, how can a small child understand a parent leaving their life forever and ever. Children aren't born understanding the concept of time. It is imperative a trained counselor is involved in the process of helping children adjust to the loss of a parent/caregiver. The bereavement counselor is trained to draw out the deep buried feelings of guilt children often harbor within themselves, blaming themselves for the death of their parents. It is so important they understand nothing they have done or thought or say had anything to do with the death of their parents.

Spouses often find bereavement counseling helpful in getting back on a constructive track after the death of a spouse. Learning the five stages of grief and being angry at your spouse for dieing is one of the steps of grief. If someone isn't in teaching or isn't educated or in the medical field, why would they be aware of the five step of grief? One would feel guilt and shame for being angry at a dead person for dieing and try to suppress the feeling, thus prolonging the grieving process.

We watch people bury their loved one everyday, but until death comes to our family, be it through a tragic event, illness, suicide, or old age, it just doesn't ring true. When it does come to our front door, it seems the world has stopped turning and we can't get off, as much as we would love to. It is then we need each other more than ever. Grieving people are so fragile and need such understand and love. If we are not very careful, if we speak, we may make them feel worse than better. Trained bereavement counselors have studied the right things to say and know when to speak and when to be silent and let them talk.

There is sometimes a stigma attached with getting counseling. Sometimes people think one is weak or crazy. Don't worry about what people think. Think about yourself and what is best for you and your family. The dead and gone and won't be back. You must keep living and you can have a productive live and a happy life. When you see you are going down, or going off the deep end, get help. I've had to go the bereavement counselor myself. Other people around me had no idea what I was going through when my favorite niece committed suicide. I realized I needed help to keep my sanity so I sought it out. I am walking in my shoes in my own path and I will decide when I need help. Love yourself enough to do the same for yourself. In a few months you will smile again. You will be so glad you followed my advice and didn't try to paddle your boat through the rapids alone.

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