by Mary Clark

Created on: December 20, 2008

Has our ability to trust become so tarnished that we as a society can no longer find the strength within ourselves to be vulnerable to its appeal?

We can become so absorbed and paralyzed by past transgressions that we cannot move forward into a relationship with a trustworthy companion. Once the tone of a relationship shifts from casual Friday night dinners to the more serious one, where even the slightest thought of commitment enters the picture, demeanors change. We pick up our claim tickets and allow all of the excess baggage and unfinished business that we carry to intrude into the potential relationship. Is it any wonder then that a fledgling relationship is quashed rather than given the opportunity to take root and thrive?

The simple joy once found in discovering others has waned. We used to approach the possibility of a new relationship with an anticipation that was so intense we called it being love sick. Trust was given freely and without a preconceived list of conditions or stipulations. We would try, and if by chance we failed, we would try again believing that one day Mister or Misses Right would come along. Now, we run the risk of missing them when they knock because we are too busy looking and licking at yesterday's bumps and bruises. And, if by chance we notice their knock, we oftentimes set the bar so high with our list of "do's" and "don't you dare do's" that romance is lost in the translation.

We still get love sick but the illness stems from an entirely different source. An old love leaves a wound when they depart. We associate the pain of that wound with a particular habit or incident giving the emotional hurt a concrete form. From that moment on, we will steer clear of, or drop like a hot potato, any person we come in contact with who displays that same habit or form. They could be the most trustworthy person we will ever meet but our inability to let go of past pain disallows us from seeing their intrinsic nature and value.

Of course when you add to that the fact that we have become a disposable society it further hinders us in our quest to find a lasting and trusting relationship. We seem to enter a new relationship with the frame of mind that if we do not like the path it takes, it is "toss-able." With this line of thinking, we will never acquire what we seek. When we adopt a cut and run or hurt before being hurt attitude in our relationships we deprive ourselves the opportunity to know a lifetime of love shared with a trustworthy spouse.

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