by Del Lobo

Created on: December 20, 2008

Returning Holiday Gifts:

Curtains go up to show a young woman of about 30 sitting at one end of a kitchen table. A man, obviously quite a bit older than the woman leans over and lights her cigarette before he lights his own. Both of them are in their pyjamas. A pot of coffee sits in between them and each pick up their coffee mugs at the same time.

Colin: Your family must think we are coffee addicts or something.

Amanda: There's no need to be presumptious you know. Brent didn't know that Mom and Dad were getting us a coffee maker.

Colin: Your brother probably knew and purposely got us another one - spiteful monster that one. I wouldn't trust tat guy with a ten foot pole.

Amanda: Honey, I think you've got a hangover from last night. Could you drop it? I'm wearing your mother's present and not complaining am I? She obviously thinks I'm much larger!

Colin takes a look at his wife's oversize pyjamas and winces but carries on as if she had said nothing: What about these mugs? I mean, take a look at them. They don't even sit squarely when placed on the table. (Colin puts the mug down and exaggerates the wobble).

Amanda: Look, I know my family aren't the most thoughtful when it comes to gifts but they mean well. Remember when Brent gave us the bookshelves that he made in carpentry class?

Colin: You mean the ones that fell apart when we had my boss and his wife over for dinner?

Amanda: Honey, we just didn't put it together well. Remember, Brent told us to brace the shelving? You didn't think it was necessary. And anyway, those mugs were made by Brent's fiance Sarah. She's taking pottery at night school.

Colin: I have a good mind to return these gifts to them or to the shop they came from. I'd like to get something that I need or really want.

Amanda: Errrr.... you can't really do that honey. Listen, I need to run a tub and get out of my pjs before Mom gets here. We're off shopping for shower presents.

Colin: Shower presents? Remind me..... who?......

Amanda: Honey, remember? My brother is getting married in two weeks and we're having a bridal shower this afternoon. Don't forget to rent the tux - you're in the wedding party. Remember?

Colin: Listen, you go run a tub and when you get out, I'll have a surprise for you.

(Amanda walks off stage quietly. Colin looks around to see if anyone is looking and then, gathers up the coffee pot and mugs. He washes them in the sink, dries them, pulls out a gift bag and some paper from a drawer. He wraps the items neatly and places them in the gift bag, smiling to himself)

Colin looks at the audience as if looking for someone: 'Brent baby, your wife-to-be is gonna like these'

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