by Cheryl Shimoda

Created on: December 19, 2008

Starting a fire requires three basic elements: a source of ignition, oxygen, and fuel. Convicting a murderer requires three pieces of evidence: a means, motive, and an opportunity. Solving a relationship problem, similarly, requires at least three facets: patience, respect, and compromise. If any one of these components is missing, there won't be a source of warmth, a murderer will walk free, and nothing will be resolved.

As we've all heard before, patience is a virtue. There are problems we all come across we just could not sit through. Why? Because it goes against everything we hold near and dearour beliefs. Thus, being demanded/coerced/guilt-tripped into changing one's religion will probably not go over too well. However, keeping in mind why they're asking in the first place (e.g. family in-law tensions, raising children) will aid in keeping the issue in perspective. It may not seem as though they're asking for a "justified" reason (and in some cases, they may not be), there should be enough trust to believe they do have your best interests at heart. Take their argument with a grain of salt and not as a personal attack: they're attempting to voice their concerns as best as possible. Give them your full attention and follow the line of logic, asking questions when clarification is needed.

Honestly, there should be respect for one another, especially in situations with beliefs being questioned. With differences in opinions, it's as though one individual will be arguing on one plane of existence and the other on a different one. Or, one person is yelling from the baseball field and the other from a swimming poolno common ground to argue from. As much as we enjoy the differences and have it grate on our nerves (at times), there's no excuse to "verbal bash" over touchy topics. Any skilled debater knows to not quickly dismiss and disregard the argument of the opposing side or be vicious in their rebuttals; the same amount of respect and caution should be exercised here. Ultimately, the final decision is dependent on the individual being asked to change.

Then there's compromise, a lot of compromise. Understanding and accepting the differences was a part of getting together in the first place, wasn't it? Relationships are about finding a happy medium both individuals can live with, including giving up some ground to appease someone else, right? Same goes for discussions on possibly changing religions.
How well (or poorly) this discussion goes will be partially dependent upon what each of you is willing to give up, whether it be saying grace before a meal or whose church to attend on Sundays.
The results will mostly depend on the sacrifices made towards achieving the end goal. However, this doesn't mean selling yourself short either, to the point where you've compromised everything to please the other. Remember to be true to yourself during this process and not surrender for the sole purpose of silencing the opposing opinion. Unless, you're doing it because you sincerely believe it's the best course of action.

But in the end, the final call on changing religions is entirely up to the individual being inquired.
After all, no one can force you to do something against your will. Yet, remember to maintain a balance between sticking to your guns and thoughtfully listening to the other side as well.

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