Under Orders from Headquarters! (An Occasion for Persuasion!)
Scene: MOM dressed as General Patton is talking to her troops. BILLY (age 12), FRED (age 11) and WALT (age 10) are sitting around a round table in the kitchen. It is snowing outside.
MOM: I'm glad you could all take time out from you busy schedules to attend this important meeting. Billy! You... with a basketball game at the school in 4 hours. Fred! You... taking time off from sledding down the hill on the driveway that leads behind the house while continuing to set up and knock over all the trash cans below. And you.. Walt! You taking the time off from your busy day of XBox and Nickelodeon! Again, I thank you for attending this meeting!
BILLY: Are we having grilled cheese, or not!?
MOM: Son! You will speak when you are spoken to or have orders to speak! Do you get me?
BILLY: Yes, Mom... I mean... sorry, General!
MOM: Your Father is on assignment in Cleveland and will be out on maneuvers for the next two days and so I have been authorized to hand out your orders and instructions for your specific duties in regards to the immediate care and defense of our base and surrounding perimeter!
WALT: What did she say?
FRED: She said we have chores to do and that she is about to tell us what they are.
MOM: No talking in the ranks! I will list the first assignment, so I want you to listen close and get all the details. I want these orders followed to the letter. Do you understand?
FRED: Yes, Mom... er..General!
BILLY: Whatever... General!
WALT: Do we get to eat?
MOM: You may have rations when you return from assignment!
WALT: Is that grilled cheese?
MOM: Quiet! First order of business. You will put on your snow uniforms. This assignment requires hats, gloves, boots, scarf and coats. If you understand what I just told you.. reply with a "Yo"!
BILLY: Yo!
FRED: Yo!
WALT: Ha ha.. Yo yo! I mean Yo, Mommy!
FRED: Call her the General!
WALT: I mean General Mommy!
MOM: Very good. Now I will be very more specific with the next orders. Major Billy you will go to the tool shed and get the shovel. Captain Fred you will clear the driveway of sleds, toys, trash cans and any debris!
FRED: Why did she call you major?
BILLY: Because a major outranks a captain!
FRED: No it doesn't!
BILLY: Yes it does!
FRED: Mom does a major outrank a captain?
MOM: Pipe down or I will bust you to private!
WALT: General Mommy?
MOM: Yes, Colonel Walt?
BILLY: Wait! When did he get to become a Colonel?
MOM: The colonel here was promoted after he stayed around the mess hall last night and helped wipe and put away all the dishes. He has received a promotion and the privilege of deciding what we are going to see tonight at the movie theater.
BILLY: It better be Space Con!
WALT: We'll see! General Mommy what do I get to do?
BILLY: What time are we going! I have a game and I don't think we will be finished until...
MOM: Game is at 1200 hours. We will have time for a matinee and... No breaking ranks. Quiet up! Now continuing on with our orders. After all debris and contraband are removed from the driveway area. The major and the captain will shovel all the snow off of the pavement and move it off to the side.
FRED: But that's my sledding hill!
MOM: No back talk!
FRED: Can I at least keep a sledding lane and use the left over snow we shovel to make curves and embankments into the backyard?
MOM: That is quite some idea. Let me take a second to think it over... (after a beat)... No!
FRED: But why?
MOM: Do you have the right to question my authority?
FRED: Yes! Because I was having fun!
MOM: That is insubordination, Captain! But I will tell you the reason behind these specific instructions! Your grandparents from both brigades are coming for Christmas and we need room in the driveway to park more than 4 cars.
FRED: Uncle Ted like sledding!
MOM: And all these troops will be carrying food as well as wrapped packages and we would not like them to be hurt, would we?
WALT: Who would be hurt?
BILLY: She means that when grandma Evie and Nana and grandpa Lou, Papi and uncle Ted arrive. They will be bringing our Christmas presents. And she doesn't want them to slip or fall.
FRED: Let me get my coat!
MOM: You are not excused, Soldier! Any of you! Continuing on... I want this all done quickly, but cleanly. Don't dawdle or stay out too long and get cold. After you are finished, the cook will ring the dinner bell. We are having sloppy joes.
WALT: What do I get to do?
MOM: Colonel Walt! You have the job of following them and sweeping away the left over snow with a broom!
WALT: Yo!
MOM: Now get your coats.. and follow your orders! I plan to see you back here no later than 30 minutes from now! Go! Troops dismissed!
(The Boys start heading to the closet to get their coats)
FRED: When did she become the commander of the universe?
BILLY: Probably after she told us to take out the garbage, clean the basement and pick up all the video games off the floor yesterday.
FRED: I guess we forgot to do that, huh?
BILLY: Welcome to the army!
WALT: No talking in ranks! Let's get a move on...
BILLY: How would the Colonel like to be locked in the closet?
WALT: How would you like to see the Puppet Baby Christmas movie!
FRED: Let's just do it!