by Ann Marie Dwyer

Created on: December 19, 2008

Beyond time-out there exists a world of discipline to which toddlers can relate. Two-year-olds, and some older children, simply cannot understand the connection between their actions and the time-out chair or naughty spot. So, the question becomes what is an appropriate consequence for toddler misbehavior?

The cause and effect principle

Your toddler has already learned when you flip the switch, the light goes out. This principle can be applied to everything your child does and is commonly referred to as "consequences". Showing the connection between the action and reaction teaches your toddler how his behavior affects his surroundings.

You are drawing in coloring books with your child, and he dumps the crayons onto the floor. Sweeping him to the time-out chair with admonishment while you retrieve the crayons does not compute the way you think it might. What your toddler learns is: If I dump the crayons on the floor, I get to see Mom crawl on the carpet like the dog.

Safe to assume, what he learned was not what you were teaching. A better alternative is state your admonishment about the cause and let him feel the effect. "We do not dump crayons out of the box. Help me put them back in the box." Rather than getting on the floor with him, let him hand you the crayons or simply hold the box for him to replace them. What your toddler learns is: If I dump the crayons on the floor, I have to pick them up.

Unlike distraction techniques, cause and effect should not be sweetened with fun. If the effect is a game, you are reinforcing the bad behavior. He will dump the crayons on the floor to play the pick up game.

The "if this, then that" principle

Your toddler has learned if she gets in the bathtub, then she gets wet. This principle applies to situations where your child is directly affected physically by her behavior. It requires specific restraint for parents and is most commonly referred to as "learning the hard way".

Parents need to resist the urge to provide a completely consequence-free environment. Do put your great-grandmother's china into the china closet. Do not bubble wrap all of the corners in the house. Occasional trips and falls are the norm in the toddling stage. They teach balance to combat the unpleasant feeling of landing on knees and behinds. Allow your child controlled environments which will not produce great bodily harm, but will exhibit danger.

You are cross-stitching while your child watches television. She is inordinately interested in the contents of

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