A Why Bother Tree Christmas
Scene: BOB and BECKY have come over to BOB's brother, LARRY'S apartment to drop off his present on Chrsitmas Eve. The place is in absoulute chaos. They soon find out that there is order to disorder.
LARRY: (Closing the door after they walk in) You're here! Welcome! I mean Merry Christmas!
BOB: Merry Christmas, Larry! What has it been 3 - 4 years?
BECKY: Merry Christmas, Larry (She gives him a little hug) So, when did you move into this place?
LARRY: About 2 years ago! Right after the divorce. It's 3 bedrooms! Want the tour?
BECKY: There's more of this?
LARRY: Well! I could probably live in a one bedroom and then sleep on the couch when the kids came to visit, but the State said that after the divorce the kids had to have their own bedrooms so I had to find a place this big.
BECKY: Did the court say something about straightening...
BOB: Sooooo! When do the kids come in for Christmas?
LARRY: After New Year's! Kaye and her new husband are taking Jenny and Frank skiing over the holidays! So I'll get to see them sometime after the New Years.
BECKY: Really? That's sad!
LARRY: It's OK. I've been working a lot in order to keep busy. Speaking of keeping busy, let me go back in the kitchen and stir my noodles. You kind of caught me off guard here. Move one of those stacks of papers and grab a seat on the sofa! I'll be right back. (He exits to the kitchen)
BOB: (Moving a stack of newspapers) Come on honey! Sit down!
BECKY: He has newspapers all over the living room. And look at that tree. Come over here, Honey! Look at this tree! There are beer cans... and a pizza box... tinsel...wait! That's not tinsel, its the wrapping off of pop tarts. There are some old love song CDs as ornaments. This is one a sad tree. And look around the room. He hung that garland up, but look at all the animal cartoon drawings he interlaced in it. He is a pig! Sheila must have been the one to keep that big old house so clean. This is really sad. Really really sad.
BOB: It is a mess! I feel sorry for the kids!
BECKY: I can only imagine what their rooms look like. Oh, this is terrible. And here we are coming over here to tell him about your new job and it looks like he just sits around here all day doing nothing! Well! Don't let him borrow any money! Whaever you do, don't do that!
BOB: He made runway lights on the ceiling with Christmas lights... all the way down the hallway!
BECKY: That's a little trashy! Could you imagine that Decorator House of Sheila's with Christmas lights in the hallway? She'd have a cow if even one decorative pillow was out of place! Look at the windows! They have hand prints. Oh! This is a mess! I think I'm going to get sick.
LARRY: (walking in) Not feeling well, Becky? Use the kids Jack & Jill bathroom. Mine is kind of crowded. I'm drying some laundry.
BECKY: I bet!
BOB: Go use the bathroom, Honey, and freshen up! We've been on the road for 4 hours!
BECKY: You coming with me? Or do I just drop bread crumbs? (She exits down the hallway)
LARRY: I just put the noodles in the microwave. I'll warm them up later. So.. 4 hours, huh? So you didn't stop at Mom's first?
BOB: We're going to but...
LARRY: I understand! You were going to stop here first. Drop off your present and take off! Quick! I understand! It's alright!
BOB: It's just that! We haven't seen Mom in a long time and we felt that if we got caught over there tonight, we didn't know when we were going to get the chance to come over. We have to leave by noon tomorrow and drive off to visit Becky's parents and...
LARRY: I said I understand!
BOB: So how things going? You working? You busy?
LARRY: I'm working! I'll be heading off to work tonight. But I have time for a visit.
BOB: You are working tonight? Really?... Well.. That's good! Got to keep the money rolling in!
LARRY: Tell me about it! How about you? I think Mom told me that you got a new job! Big bucks, huh?
BOB: Well...not that much... it's just that...
BECKY: (Walking in) Larry! The kids rooms are gorgeous! Just gorgeous!
BOB: Becky! Be nice!
BECKY: Bob! I am serious! He turned Jenny's room into a Christmas castle.
BOB: It was something we had talked about when she was last here... over Thanksgiving.
BECKY: And Frank's room is a Star Wars Christmas. Even the little action figures on the shelf have Santa hats!
LARRY: I said I should have given you the tour.
BOB: Do the kids play in their rooms a lot?
LARRY: You mean this room? Ha ha ha ha ha! Good one! Becky, I think he means my tree. I was setting up the tree when Sheila called and told me that I wouldn't see the kids over their Christmas break. That was when I decided to call it the "Why Bother Tree"! Every time I think how she trashed my Christmas, and start to feel sad, I take it out by just trashing my tree a little. I'll clean it up before the kids get home, for sure. But as for now... I consider it therapy!
BOB: We like your holiday green over the doors.
LARRY: The garland? Oh! With the animals? They are zoo animals. We went to Christmas at the Zoo last year and had the best time. So when we got home we all drew these stupid animals. I clipped them out and saved them. This year I just added them to the decorations as a way to remind us... well maybe just me... how fun that was. Becky! You probably saw the Christmas lights on the ceiling back there... they were put up to lead the kids to the tree.. the real tree on Christmas morning. When they flash they look like they flash in one direction. They were going to point the kids to the tree for their presents. Well! They were going, to do that.
BECKY: Hope they don't get lost in this maze, Larry!
LARRY: This room? The papers are for a paper route I am taking over the hoildays... to help out a friend... and make a couple bucks. I met him at my second job over at the loading dock at Wal*Mart. It's just for the holidays. I kind of fell behind on my child support when they laid us off at the plant last Spring. But we're all working again. I'm just catching up. But as for these papers... When that stack is gone, you'll be able to see the train tracks I'm laying out that will run through here and down the hall. Thus it explains all the tracks and boxes of train stuff. The green and red pottery on all the tables ... the kids made those when they were at camp last summer. Jenny even made this Christmas cup... speaking of cups. Can I get you something to drink?
BECKY: Maybe later! You have to get going!
LARRY: Well! You're right! I should. And I know you probably want to get out of here and see Mom...
BECKY: No Larry! I'm staying and Bob is going with you!
BOB: I am?
BECKY: Yes, you are! You are going to help deliver all of those papers. And while you are gone I am going to clean this place up. No arguing. Get going!
BOB: Come on, Larry! Get your coat! I find it best just to go along and do what she says.
BECKY: And if you find a take out restaurant or even a McDonald's or Burger King open bring home some food! I hate noodles.
BOB: Can do!
LARRY: (To BECKY) You don't have to do this!
BECKY: Yes! Because I want to! For my niece and nephew...and you!
LARRY: Promise you won't touch the tree?
BECKY: You'll know when it's the right time to change the decorations on it, Larry!
LARRY: Thank you! Now before we go we have to wrap these papers individually...
BOB: We can make a production line.
BECKY: Let me get at those windows!
LARRY: Those are stencils.
BECKY: WHAT?
LARRY: Those are my kids hands. I spray a stencil I made of their hands with some of that window frost from the store.
BECKY: Oh! Oh! That is so wonderful! Bob! I was thinking... that before we leave... Larry! Bob has a new job.. A great job and we would like to help you....
BOB: Becky! I'm already ahead of you! For Larry!
BECKY: For Larry!
BOB: For Larry and the kids!
BECKY: And the kids!
LARRY: I don't know what you are talking about, but if you take one of the papers and fold them like this...