by Vicki Phipps

Created on: December 19, 2008   Last Updated: December 20, 2008

Young wives tend to provide mother-in-law advice all the time, but unless you've been on both ends of the in-law spectrum, your advice will be given through a limited view of the truth. Wisdom comes from experience, and that's why wisdom seems to arrive when you begin to play both in-law roles at the same time.

HOW TO DEAL WITH A MOTHER-IN-LAW: WISE ADVICE FROM TWO SIDES

I've been on both ends, and as both a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law, I've earned the wisdom you'll need. When you've been where I've been and done what I've done, you'll see how to keep your mother in law from becoming your enemy, so please read and keep my advice in mind.

1. Expect the best and let go of the rest.

One big mistake in-laws make is to assume the worst case scenario, right from the start. Chances are you've heard the worst of the mother-in-law role, so you presumptiously go into the relationship with a predestined sense of doom, gloom and dread, which plays tricks with your head. With these predetermined beliefs, you'll tend to enter in with a defensive attitude, which then tends to lead to the destiny you dread in your head. Keep In mind that negative thoughts attract negative thoughts back to you, so choose to think positively. Otherwise, you'll need to find what it is that makes you afraid.

You see, it's been my experience that when we refuse to face what makes us afraid, the monsters we create in our minds will bite our behinds all the time, and that's exactly why both the mother and daughter in law needs to face what makes them afraid before they can play the new roles they create.

The fact remains that the mother in law is afraid that she will no longer play a vital role in her son's life, while the new wife is afraid her husband's mother will smother him and refuse to let go of her role in his life. Both try to hold control of both roles, which tends to create the resistance that leads to strife and fights. Still, when both women can see the reality that he wants to keep both roles, that's when they will know which role to control and when to let go. The mother in law can't be the only soul who needs to let go of control.

2. Make up your mind to be compassionate and kind.

When you meet your mother-in-law to be, keep in mind at all times the fact that she's been where you are, and when it comes to her son, she has more experience by far. Although you don't know what it's like to let go of a role that you've held dear for years, you do have the ability to keep compassion in

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