by Rodger Caldwell

Created on: December 19, 2008

To all you young people: Are you slim? Are you fairly muscular? Do you enjoy speed and acceleration, but can't afford a Porsche Boxer or a Corvette? Are you concerned about greenhouse gas emissions and resource use? The solution is a road bicycle! Today you will have to pay a minimum of $1,000 to get a bicycle with adequate sport, but have you priced a Porsche or Corvette lately? With the bicycle, accelerating rapidly through the gears, you get two rushes: One from the illusion of speed and acceleration, and an endorphin one from the exertion, a truly exhilarating experience! You in effect have a green, $1,000 Corvette!

I am not exaggerating. If you use the proper gears accelerating from a stop, you'll get a greater thrill than I ever got from my 325 horsepower Chevy with the four speed manual. You must have toe clips or rat traps to develop adequate torque, precise derailleurs, and you must keep shifter cable length as short as possible, probably by putting the shift levers on the down tube. I recommend that you mount a seat post rack and twin nylon carriers so you can use your bike as your only transportation. Be shore to get a club or similar lock, for bikes of this nature are hotter than notebook computers with thieves!

I recall when I was 28, back in 1975. I purchased a Centurion Le Mans, then when it was stolen, a Centurion Super Le Mans road bicycle. I looked decent, but was by no means an Adonis, and I really got the looks from beautiful women, who would wave to me and walk up to me and start conversations. I could easily cover 100 miles a day on my bike, and traveled all over the county on it. The accelerating pitch of the spokes singing in the wind, being thrown back in the seat by the acceleration, and the rapidly increasing speed of the slipstream was a trip, and the only green house gases I emitted were from my lungs and rare flatulence. I had a rack and twin folding aluminum baskets on my bike, and this didn't noticeably slow me down. When they were loaded with stuff, I just started one gear lower and barely noticed the load. The problem with my bicycles was that they were rapidly stolen, for I foolishly used chain and cable locks.

When I tired of replacing repeatedly stolen bicycles, I bought a used Toyota Crown, a green for the times but a rather pedestrian form of transportation. Women then acted like I was a complete ass, and tried to avoid me.

Now I am 62, a couch potato, and have been contemplating buying a Ninja 500cc motorcycle to try to approach the fun of yesteryear, but an old geezer such as me would no doubt loose control of a motorcycle and get killed, so I won't.

All I have to say to young people is: enjoy your youth and sexuality while you can, for in no time it will be gone! There are many compensations to being an old man, but there are also many to being a young man and woman. Enjoy the upsides of your age group to the hilt, or I feel you will regret it if you don't.

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