by Cherise James

Created on: December 18, 2008

A real engagement is a wonderful time. You're in love, surrounded by friends and family, and caught up in a whirlwind of activity. There's so much planning going on, parties to attend, and time spent with your sweetie, you hardly have room to breathe, but you don't care because such things don't matter on cloud nine.

However if you are thinking you are engaged, but your significant other isn't actually committed to the idea (or worse, to you), it becomes one of the most heartbreaking, stressful, frustrating seasons of your life. I knew a girl who had been dating a guy for ten years and was eager to have a baby. She threatened to break up with her boyfriend unless he married her, so he agreed. But he didn't buy a ring, claimed he didn't have the money. To save other men embarrassment (or so she justified it to herself), she bought her own ring. However, he never made any further moves toward marriage, and after several more years, she finally broke it off for good. Happily, she has found the man of her dreams, he gave her a ring, and they are currently ecstatic newlyweds.

So how do you know for sure that your significant other is committed? A ring is a pretty good sign that a man is committed to a woman. If a man takes the time and spends the money on obtaining a ring, you can be pretty sure he means it. It isn't the final word on the matter, even then things happen, but it does mean that he was serious at the time.

But to say that it isn't an engagement without a ring, well, that doesn't fly either. First of all, some religious traditions discourage or forbid the wearing of any jewelry, including engagement or even wedding rings. Usually they turn to some other token (such as an expensive watch), but not necessarily. Second, some people might be very much in love and very much committed to each other, but not be able to afford anything as expensive as a ring. Simply the fact that they can't stand being without each other shows their commitment. Third, and most important, I was engaged for two months and had a wedding half arranged before I received a ring. Two months after that we tied the knot at a beautiful ceremony in a stunning church. We have been married now for twenty years, and are still going strong.

It can be an engagement without a ring, but ladies, if he hasn't given you something that has cost him dearly, and he isn't spending every available moment with you, it is time to reconsider the relationship. Something may be seriously out of whack.

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