by A. South

Created on: December 18, 2008

My sister lives a hemisphere away, she's in Taiwan and I'm in Virginia. The distance doesn't change the fact that she's my closest friend and she was a constant source of advice and support through my dating and engagement from a distance. When I got engaged, there was no question that she would be my maid of honor, the woman I wanted beside me when I made a life-long commitment.

Distance certainly makes things harder. This is the second time my sister and I have dealt with being a long-distance maid of honor. I was in Australia the three months before my sister got married, during the time when bridal showers are thrown and the details of the wedding are decided. The distance made it harder for me to share the planning with her, throw her a bridal shower, and help her with errands and decisions. But it didn't change my commitment to my role as her maid of honor.

If you choose a maid of honor that is long distance (whether a few miles away or a few countries away) you have to realize that a few things will differ from if you had chosen a girl who lives just down the street.

When you make your picks, send out an e-mail with a master list of everyone's contact information. This is especially true if you have bridesmaids who don't all know each other and/or don't live in the same town.

Do your best to resist the urge to mircomanage and let your bridesmaids take charge of the event. Let them dote over you, plan things and organize for you. But also keep an eye on things as well. If no one is stepping up to fill the maid of honor's shoes in her stead (and she hasn't asked anyone) it's not completely rude of you to whisper gentle reminders about things like showers and bachelorette parties. You might even want to remind your bridesmaids that you maid of honor is far away, and that she might appoint someone else to chip in.

Keep your maid of honor in the loop as much as possible; you don't want her to feel like her special role is getting taken away from her. If possible, try to schedule a few things around her travel so she can be there for you as well. My sister is flying to the states a few weeks before my wedding, so my mom and I are planning on throwing a shower close to the day of the wedding so my sister can be involved.

If a particular woman has been an integral part of your life, don't let the distance dictate your maid of honor decision. Chances are, your bridesmaids will jump at the chance to help out where your maid of honor can't.

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