by Barbara Stanley

Created on: December 17, 2008   Last Updated: February 20, 2010

Children are an investment who will deliver with great dividends if given the proper time and attention. To raise confident, independent children who are self-motivated, parents must plan to invest as much time as possible in their lives. Children become confident whenever parents support children in the activities they are interested in or required to be a part of through school. A parent's presence at the dance recital, or baseball game says, "I am here because I love you. You are important to me and I want everyone to know that I am your parent."

Just being present while your son or daughter acts in the class play or competes in sports is not enough to help the child build healthy self-esteem. Children need parents who know how to balance praise with helpful criticism. If the child really is not very good at acting, it is a disservice to praise him for his great performance. Convince him that he is great and he will see no need for improvement. Always being critical, without offering praise for what the child is doing correctly, will cause a child to feel like a failure, perhaps living up to that expectation. Point out where the child excelled while you lovingly explain areas that could use improvement. Offer to work with the child to get better in areas where improvement is needed.

Being a supportive parent that allows a child to learn and grow is a balancing act that a parent must become good at if her children are to become self-motivated, independent adults. Children need to be nurtured through every phase of life. Even though parents must invest a great deal of time in their children, the investment will be worth it when the child becomes an independent adult able to care for himself and his own family someday. A child must believe that household rules are to be followed and punishment will take place if they are not followed. This teaches a child about the rules of society and consequences for disobeying them.

A parent must be consistent in enforcing rules. This lets a child know what to expect at all times. Being consistent does not mean that special circumstances can't alter the rule when called for. As the child grows, he should be allowed to discuss if and when rules should be changed or even deleted if necessary. This teaches a child how to negotiate better terms for himself. It also gives him part of the responsibility for his own care.

Children should be allowed to make mistakes while learning without fearing that parents will yell

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