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A young married couple are invited to a church by some friends and decide they would like to join. They meet with the preacher in his office and are told if they would like to join the church they must abstain from sex for one month.

After the month was up they returned to the church to speak with the preacher. "Well" the preacher asks, "how did your month go? Where you able to abstain from sex?"

The young man tells the preacher "The first week wasn't that hard at all. We did alot of walking and alot more talking than we have since we were married. It was quite nice, actually."

"How about the second week?" asks the preacher.

"The second week wasn't quite as easy but we made it through by taking up old hobbies and such and we made it through it." says the man.

"So, I assume that you were just as resiliant on the third week." said the preacher.

Shifting his gaze, the man explains "Not really. We had to sleep in seperate bedrooms and refrain from hugs and kisses the whole week. But we made it through."

"After all of that, you certainly could make it one more week, couldn't you?" asks the preacher.

The man bows his head to hide his face and explains "Not quite. We were doing our best until Friday afternoon when I saw my wife bend over to pick up a can of paint. That was all I could take. I grabbed her and we fell to the floor making wild passionate love right then and there."

"I'm sorry to have to tell you that you're not welcome to join our church." the preacher tells them.

The man lifts his head to look the preacher in the eye and says "That's okay. We're not welcome at the Home Depot anymore either."

Two men are hunting and wander up on a large hole in the ground. Neither can see the bottom and want to know how deep the hole is. They find a transmission nearby, carry it to the whole and drop it in. As they are listening for the transmission to hit the bottom, a goat comes out of nowhwere and dives headfirst into the whole. While standing in shock at what they had just witnessed, an old farmer walks up behind them and asks them if they had see a goat anywhere around. They replied they had just seen him dive headfirst into the hole. That's reduculous, replied the farmer, I had him chained to a transmission.

A blonde goes to the local department store and sees something shiny on a counter. She asked the salesman what it was and he replied it was a thermos. Well, what does it do, she asked. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, replied the clerk. She liked it so she bought it and took it to work with her the following Monday. A co-worker sees it on her desk and asks her what she's got. It's a thermos, she says. Well, I know that, says the co-worker. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, says the blonde. I know that too, says the co-worker. What do you have in it it? The blonde says A hot bowl of soup and a fudgesickle.

Learn more about this author, Scott Allison.
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