by Ruth Floresca

Created on: December 16, 2008

"Today my identity is molded by the inescapable fact that the sum of my past is greater than the sum of my future." - Julius Lester in his book On Writing for Children & Other People.

Life is made up of choices. It is up to us to choose which paths to take. Whatever decisions we made long ago contribute to who we are at present and what we would and could still become in the future.

When we open up ourselves to opportunities, we usually take chances and turn them into challenges that may or may not improve our lives. Whatever the results are, they add to our sense of identity ... of who we are, what we believe in and what prompts us to do the things we do.

My sense of identity when I was younger stemmed more from being whose daughter I was, what nationality I have, what school or church I went to, and what kinds of people I hang out with. I erroneously saw myself as someone who was expected to act in certain ways and do certain things without giving much thought to what I really wanted to do.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't pressured to act in any specific manner whatsoever. In my innocence, I just thought that things were the way they were according mostly to the adults around me and based on the dictates of society. Imagine my amazement (and eventual delight I had to hide) at hearing my 10-year-old son's challenging questions, "But why do you always have to be right? Don't I have any say on this?!" I can't even remember grilling my parents at that age! And yet here's my offspring speaking his mind which is a good indication of an early sense of independence and identity.

As I grew older, more and more life experiences taught me that I can and should be my own person. Slowly, I found myself doing more of the things that really interest me and making decisions by myself without that former instinctive inclination of needing to consult anyone else before I take any action.

I love how Julius Lester described his journey: "I certainly know more about who I am now than I did when I was fourteen. However, as I look back over the expanse of a lifetime I wonder often what might have been had I made that choice and not another, and there is the pain of deep regret at opportunities missed and risks not taken. All I didn't do has shaped my identity as surely as the opportunities grasped and risks taken."

I wholeheartedly feel the same way.

Once I had children of my own, the full-blown realization that I needed to always (not sometimes, not one-of-these-days) stand up for things I am passionate about sank in. I finally discovered that my identity or belief in self should come within me and not from anyone else's standards.

Sure, our various roles in life require us to sometimes adopt different kinds of identities that will suit specific situations. Yet, the bottom line remains: a person's true identity is only achieved when one continues to be true to oneself. I believe that I can, at least, say now that I am.

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