Do you know why many of us wear rings on our left hand to symbolize engagement and/or marriage? Many are surprised when they learn that this tradition and may others, including wearing white at the ceremony which didn't enter western European tradition until much later, is brought to our culture from Roman wedding traditions.
In fact, Rome's famous and involved engagement, wedding and marriage traditions have influenced many such marriage practices even to modern day, where they are the source for many current marriage customs. A ring on the third finger of a bride's hand is only one of the most famous. (It references a pagan belief that this finger has some kind of direct line to the heart). The following traditions come from Roman wedding engagements, ceremonies and celebrations:
CHOICE OF A SPOUSE AND ENGAGEMENT
Choosing the day of the wedding was often done with great care to avoid omens and initiate good luck for the family. June was especially favored and considered to be associated with luck leading to its popularity for weddings.
Economic considerations and relationships with the bride and groom's parents were more important than love or the relationship of the couple. Romance was seldom a factor in choosing a spouse, even though love and affection was not usually precluded between husband and wife to develop later in life.
For the particular couple, the selection of their spouse would greatly impact them. There was no polygamy, and little divorce, so there was special attention payed to selecting a marriage partner. Marriage was forbidden between relatives four times removed, in addition to between anyone connected by marriage.
Even if the couple did not choose each other, their consent was considered to be important. It was shown in a number of ritualized demonstrations. First, consent was shown in public prior to the wedding ceremony, one way was for the couple to appear in public holding hands. An engagement period before the wedding was often considered a good idea and was convention, but it wasn't required.
THE WEDDING CEREMONY/CELEBRATION
The night before the wedding the ceremonies began, and again there are a few similarities to modern day, even though overall the cultures are very different. Brides were of course young, very much children, so they would give away their toys to other younger children. They would try on their wedding dresses in the presence of their mothers and other women, like today.
On her wedding day morning, a bride was dressed by her mother, and in particular a belt tied in "The knot of Hercules" (who was the God of married life) was tied by her mother and not untied until by her husband. The bride would wear a Tunic wedding dress, over which she would wear a colored veil situated by a wreath of flowers.
A ceremony involving religious traditions (brides and grooms would sit together at an altar) and signing of a marriage agreement was followed by a feast for all of the friends, relatives and business associates of the two families. There were witnesses needed, the second major form of expressing consent to the marriage.
Marriage, like many other Roman family customs, related to the involvement of the family's patriarch, the pater familiars (who had total control over the family), taking over matters for the new bride. Her belongings became the property of her husband and family. The ceremony transferred a woman from the authority of her own father to the authority of her husband or her husband's father or grandfather, if he were alive.
The Wedding Ceremony
Only the three acts of expressing consent were necessary. Everything else varied. The actual ceremony was held usually at the bride's father house, with guests present. There had to be witnesses to the ceremony to make it legal, typically at least ten witnesses. After the words of consent, which consisted of a chant, where the bride would say "Quando tu Gaius, ego Gaia." (When-and where-you are Gaius, I then-and there-am Gaia.)
The bride and groom sat on stools, facing the alter during parts of the ceremony, and in other parts they would stand before a priest and hold hands. An offering was made to the god Jupiter, consisting of cake, which the bride and groom would eat and pass out to guests followed by congratulations.
Wedding Dinner/Procession
After the actual wedding ceremony, there was a traditional feast at one of the family's homes, much like there is today. After dinner, the bride was escorted to her husband's in an additional essential ceremony of validity of the marriage. This ceremony was essential to the validity of the marriage, so it could not be omitted.
Anyone could join the procession, and many people did just for fun - in fact it was probably a raucous, revelrous affair accompanied by torchbearers and lutes. In a last symbolic tradition, the bride's mother held her, and the groom took his bride a show of force from her mother's arms. Everyone and anyone paraded over to the groom's house, throwing nuts along the way, similar to throwing rice. When they got there, her new husband carried her over the threshold. The bride lit a fire with her marriage torch, then threw it among the guests, who scrambled for it.
CONSEQUENCES OF MARRIAGE FOR COUPLES AND ROMAN FAMILY LIFE
The legal status of a woman women was reflected in the little choice she had before her marriage or after in her life. A Roman girl was ready for marriage at the age of 14. Her father would choose her husband and conduct the required arrangements, including the size of the dowry, with the groom's family.
She was entering her husband's family much like the hired help. Raising the children and managing the home were her main jobs. Roman wives were expected to be hostess if her husband had friends in to visit. What she did have some say in was her children. Roman mother exercised genuine influence in making family decisions. Epitaphs of Roman women were often praised by their children and grandchildren.
Towards the end of the Republic and throughout the history of the Empire women gained more legal rights, as the Empire became more powerful and they had the rights because they were Roman citizens, even if female. During that time a new style of marriage evolved where women retained some control of her own money. Such a system made divorce more common. Also, one thing that impacted the lives of women was some successful use of birth control in Rome, making women have a degree of freedom from child bearing.