by Scott Scherr

Created on: December 16, 2008   Last Updated: November 15, 2009

New Favorite Sweater

Scene 1:
(A living room in a country home the day after Christmas. HOWARD is wrapped in a warm blanket, resting comfortably in a recliner while reading a book. MARGE enters, obviously upset, dropping shopping bags at the door and paces the room.)

Howard: (Hears Marge coming in and quickly puts down his book and feigns sleep) Snore....

Marge: (Storms in, than paces for a few moments to calm down) Never again! I will never return another Christmas gift!

Howard: (Pretending to wake up) What- What was that? How was your trip to Walmart?

Marge: (Suspiciously) Like you don't know.

Howard: (Smiling, then places hands up) You got me! Now, tell me what I did again?

Marge: (Pacing again) Oh, I don't know...something to do with that ugly rainbow colored sweater your grand daughter got me...ring a bell?

Howard: As I recall, you went to take that back today didn't you? Although, I did suggest you hold on to it. I may be the ugliest sweater in the history of all sweaters....but it's still a gift from Sarah.

Marge (Defensively) I know it's a gift...but she couldn't possibly think I could wear that....that....rainbow nightmare in public! Besides, she left the receipt with the gift which meant that somewhere deep in her subconscious perhaps she also knew how hideous it was!

Howard: (Trying to hide his laughter) Ok, so tell me all about it. I'm just dying to know what happened.

Marge: (Suspicious again) Oh, I just bet you are. (Takes a deep breath and stops pacing) Well, just as I am entering Walmart, guess who's coming in at the same time?

Howard: Santa Claus?

Marge (Gives Howard a stern look) No! It was Sarah! Our beloved grand child and giver of strange gifts. She was so excited and started chewing my ear off. I could hardly get a word in. Thank goodness the sweater was safely concealed in the shopping bag.

Scene 2:
(One hour earlier. SARAH and MARGE are standing just inside the local Walmart)

Sarah: So how was your Christmas grandma? Did you like my gift? I searched forever to find that sweater, I know how you like unique gifts and boy was that expensive! I never knew sweaters cost so much.

Marge: (Flustered) Ah...what was that...my hearing is not what it used to be. So how was your Christmas dear?

Sarah: It was great! I'll have to tell you all about it when I have more time. (Looks at her watch) Ooops, I gotta get back to work. My break is almost over.

Marge: Break?

Sarah: (Laughing while removing her coat and revealing her blue uniform.) Come on grandma!

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