by Lorraine Bowyer

Created on: December 15, 2008

The Engagement party

I had hardly slept all night, the niggling doubts squirming in the pit of my stomach confirmed to me that my misgivings were real, but could I make anyone else understand and what exactly was there for them to understand anyway?

As I lay in bed, it became apparent that no one else in the household felt the way that I did, as preparations for my sister's Sagai, Hindi for engagement, continued at a frantic pace. My mother, grandmother and two aunts had been neurotically vying with each other for the past two days to see who could produce the highest blood pressure level. Now, combined with their raised voices and the clattering of pots and pans, pungent wafts of malai palak, paneer kofta and tadka daal were filling the house.

All of this started about six months ago when Sharmila gave in to the constant questioning about her intentions and when she would fulfil her familial duties - she asked our parents to find her a husband. I was so shaken, particularly as Sharmila had always seemed far more western in her attitude. She was the first girl in our family to go to University and graduated with a first in economics and a future in the City. We are third generation Indians and it's not as if Sharmila hasn't had the odd boyfriend or two, discreetly of course, so I had always assumed that she would take the initiative herself. At 25, she is seven years older than me, but I have always loved her more than anyone else in the world.

In traditional Indian society parents seek matches on the basis of superior social status, wealth and prestige rather than compatibility and from the very instant that Sharmila asked them to arrange her marriage, my parents' social networking skills were revealed. It became an overwhelming priority to find a groom from a well-to-do family and various suggestions were put forward and rejected. Sharmila revelled in all the attention, agreeing to talk to a few of the men and refusing to even consider many of them, usually on the basis of their age. It was during these months that she would tease me mercilessly that I only had a few more years and then it would be my turn.

Then the inevitable occurred. One of my aunts proposed the nephew of her dearest friend and Sharmila agreed to meet Manik Pavani, a 32 year old Bollywood film producer originally from England, currently living in Mumbai. Manik flew in the following week and their first meeting was attended by my grandfather and father. One month later and Sharmila and Manik

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