by Travis Montera

Created on: December 15, 2008   Last Updated: October 19, 2011

I was 25 years old and stood in a back room of the church waiting anxiously to marry the woman who I had been with off and on through the college and career searching years of our lives, six to be exact. It was about 20 minutes before the ceremony when one of my groomsmen joined me in the room. We talked and joked about things, but then, in what seemed to be instantaneous he cut his laughter and looked at me. I will never forget it. He asked me "Trav, are you sure you are doing the right thing? I mean I am not trying to be rude, but I think you are marrying out of guilt and not love." Surprisingly, I was not angered at all by this. I understood how my relationship with her could appear like that to him. After all, I wasn't the most faithful guy to her while attending college. Maybe there was some guilt involved with my decision, but it felt right. I stood there and told him I was good and ready to do this. Three years later I was divorced.

The saying goes if you could be on the outside looking in, then your perspective widens and you can see the entire picture. Most of us don't view things that way when it comes to are own life. Sure, we are always quick to give advice to others and their situations, but we never take our own advice. You see, my friend was right.

What my friend saw was what I already knew deep down in my heart, but would never admit. I wasn't in love with this woman, never was. Of course I loved her, but it was more in a friendship way. She was and probably still is an amazing woman, but not amazing enough for me to fall in love with her. I wanted to and tried, but it just wasn't there.

You have to understand, LOVE CANNOT BE FORCED. It is either there or it is not. So many of us spend time trying to force ourselves to be in love with someone because they are perfect in ever way. They have the perfect job, the perfect car, your parents and family love them. However, this does not make them perfect for you. You see most of us can pretend for awhile that we love someone and project the image of your life as perfect to society, our friends, and our family. What most don't realize that this comes back to haunt you later.

If you enter this world of pretend in your marriage then you are cheating life. You are cheating your friends, your family, that spouse you are forcing yourself to love, and most of all you are cheating YOURSELF! How you may ask are you cheating these people and yourself? Let's start with your friends and family.

Your friends and

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