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Humor: Going to the library

by J. Paxton

Created on: December 14, 2008

I want to propose a dress code for the school library. Acceptable outfits would include sweatpants, sweatshirts, PJ
pants, t-shirts, anything within that nature. There will be no dresses, no skirts, no heels, nothing that would be seen being worn on The [now thankfully canceled] OC. Makeup is allowed, but only to cover up bags under the eyes that are the result of time spent in the building. I'm sorry, but there is simply no need to be a Stepford Wife at two in the morning during finals week (or ever, I suppose, but ESPECIALLY then).

These girls come in, pearl earrings, jean skirts and perfectly placed hair, pushed back by their over-sized sunglasses, with their popped collared, freshly shaven, khaki wearing boyfriends. I have my Styrofoam cup of fifty-cent coffee from the machine in the basement while they sip on grande
mocha lattes with an extra shot of espresso. They sit at the long tables with their phone in clear sight and AIM up and running on their laptops, should someone need to contact them at any given second, while I fall asleep on couches in the crannies and no one can get a hold of me or figure out where I am for hours at a time (although, I suppose that's more of a testimony of my sketchiness than their peppiness).

I've never been a philosophy student, but here's my logic. If you're at your school library, it's most likely not under pleasant circumstances. Maybe Wikipedia wasn't an expert on your topic and now you have to do "real" research, or maybe you've been sexiled
and have nowhere else on campus to go at the god forbidden hour. Whatever MY reason for being there is, though, I know that it's never anything to put me in a good mood. Therefore, I assume that most people who are in my presence are not in a good mood either. I don't care to associate with people who AREN'T in a good mood, just as I'm sure they want to have nothing to do with me at one in the morning when I realize some bored sadist online made up the information that I cited in my term paper that's worth forty percent of my grade and it's due in ten hours and now I have to go back through and completely
reprove my entire thesis (hypothetical situation, I swear....ugh). So obviously there is no concern or need for impressions or appearances, seeing as how no one wants anything to do with each other anyways.

That, and I'm just way too lazy to look decent when working on a paper.

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