by John Davis

Created on: December 13, 2008

It's time for some blunt honesty. I'd love to sit here and write an entire piece about how I want world peace, good will toward all, and an end to human suffering, but that would be a big, fat, lie. The economy is tough, and my single most desired item is both selfish and greed-driven.

I want money. No, no. I want a lot of money, like say, a million dollars. Now that sounds like a basic human thought during these tough times, but to be perfectly honest, I've always wanted to be one of America's wealthy. Even during the Reagan era, when everyone was swimming in their money-filled pits, I knew that I really, really, wanted to be filthy rich.

So far, all I've really accomplished is middle-class averageness in the grand spectrum of things, and writing articles at a dime a pop isn't padding my bank account much. So, like most middle-class normal white guys, I begin asking myself, "How do I make more money?"

Here's the part of an article where, if I had some product I was trying to sell you, I'd starting touting all its merits. Such is not the case today. I have no overnight, get-rich-quick scheme. I have no line of cosmetics or health supplies that I want other people to sell. All I have is me, for what that's worth. Now maybe, just maybe, there's something to that thought. After all, if I have myself, I still have one more thing than other people have. Plus, there are my features that have to be considered here. Let's see: I'm perseverant, fairly well-read, and oh yeah, I teach for a living. Sure, other people could say that about themselves, but now comes the hard part - figuring out how me and my features could possibly ever generate big bucks. After all, if a guy with the looks and personality of Donald Trump can become uber-rich, why on earth can't I?

What's Joe the Writer to do? Promote himself on Helium, among other things. I'm a pretty fair dispenser of language, if I do say so myself. I don't use a lot of high-flung, overly complex vocabulary, but I do get my message across clearly in most cases. Maybe it's a result of having been in journalism, or maybe it's just my rural background shining through, but in either scenario, my words speak to people in simple, truthful ways that make them more inclined to read on. After all, you've just sat here reading this whole thing, and guess what? Here's the conclusion: All I want for Christmas is money, money, money. There you have it.

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