by Don Howard

Created on: December 12, 2008

As the inscription at the base of the statue celebrating the founder of tiny Faber College proclaims, "Knowledge Is Good." It is toward that end I submit the useful snippets of information below. With the seemingly endless focus on the trivial that pervades our American society, I am hopeful the observations below may serve as not only conversation starters (or enders), but that they may supply the scholarly mind with the seed of an idea for a stunning doctoral thesis. So read them, add them to your knowledge base, and embrace their simple wisdom.

- The common gerbil, when poked with a fork, will instantly curl into a ball and bounce up and down.

- A mountain gorilla's testicles serve twin purposes; reproductive organ, and seat cushion.

- Women fart twice as much as men, but the duration and power of their wind is less.

- Adolph Hitler spent hours doing Origami and was a fine Karaoke singer.

- The most common name in the US for a pet badger is Larry.

- Earth is the only planet in our solar system with hydroelectric generating plants.

- Buckingham Palace has really nice bathrooms.

- It is impossible to buy the Brooklyn Bridge off a guy standing on it.

- The American Space Shuttle has no formal dining room or walk-in closets.

- The average 4-year-old human child is dumber than a bag of hammers, and unemployable.

- The Halloween tradition of wearing masks started with a couple of idiots who got lost on their way to the bank.

- The very first versions of the wheel were merely rubber rings with spokes stretching inward and attached to a central hub.

- Cheddar cheese can be used as a substitute for window cleaner if you don't need to see out of the windows.

- An iguana has a small gland in his back that can be used to make whistling noises when no one is around.

- Employees at the US post office handle an average of 612 weapons per workday.

- The typical whale turd outweighs Orson Wells and contains no corn.

- According to suicide statistics, the least-preferred method to end your own life is by calling Mike Tyson a fag.

- In an average lifespan, the American employee will have to take tons of crap.

- Newborn babies grow faster when exposed to Uranium 235.

- The average house cat doesn't give a damn about you.

- The eyeball is the only organ in the human body that turns reddish when you smoke a joint.

- There is a law on the books in Hogjaw Mississippi that makes it illegal to spit while praying.

- Windshield wipers can only move in two directions, and never at the same time!

- Mars is the only planet in our solar system that doesn't get along with Earth.

- On a standard keyboard, you can type virtually any word in the English language except lkadojalkjio (dang!).

- Betsy Ross burped a lot.

- The only word that cannot be read by the average person is

- In Victorian England, women often hid their vaginas and breasts beneath clothes and, in some cases, underclothes.

- The moon is not, as commonly accepted, made of green cheese but is in actuality comprised mostly of finely-aged brie.

- Gravy was considered a beverage among the fatter settlers of the New World.

- Sandpaper was originally invented to pull pranks in the men's room.

- The operation of motor vehicles is prohibited on the tiny island of Foo Foo, which is six meters long and 2.5 meters wide.

- In the wild, China's giant pandas survive exclusively on a diet of bamboo and little chocolate doughnuts.

- Residents of the Canadian village of Saskawoojack hold an annual Belly Button Lint Festival. The celebration is capped off by a raging bonfire, created entirely from you guessed it! the smallest guy in the village.

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