by Rebecca Vargas

Created on: December 12, 2008

Being in a long term, committed relationship is wonderful-you always have someone to lean on and to talk to-but it can also be challenging. Add to that, the term 'interracial' and you're presented with a few extra challenges.The world has come a long way and is generally more accepting of different people; and interracial marriages are definitely not as taboo as they once were but as someone who's currently in an interracial marriage, here are four things I think you should know before you marry outside of your ethnic background:

1. Be prepared for family conflict when you announce your engagement

You may have never thought about how your parents and friends might react if you told them you were dating or marrying someone of a different ethnic background. Unfortunately, it's one of those things that nobody talks about until it comes up. It's more a matter of tradition than racism. The truth is that many people, especially older people, expect their children to marry within their ethnic background because that's what they have known their entire lives. They did it that way and their parents did it that way and they were hoping you would do it that way too. Ultimately your parents and your relatives want you to be happy and they may be worried that an interracial marriage will be difficult on you both. The best thing to do is to give your family some time to process the news and encourage them to get to know your future spouse by hosting dinners and small informal events.

2. Act natural

Meeting your future spouse's family for the first time is always stressful but not knowing if you'll be accepted because you're of a different ethnic background adds an extra torturous twist. All of a sudden, the differences between you and them are in the front of your mind and you're paranoid because you feel that you just can't measure up. Remember that just as your family may have been surprised, your future spouse's family may be surprised too and they may need some time to process the news. The best thing to do is to make an effort to get to know the family and most importantly, to be yourself.

3. Talk about traditions and religion beforehand

If your future spouse feels strongly about tradition or religion, talk about it beforehand to avoid clashes later on. If you're from different religious backgrounds, will one of you convert or will you stay as you are? What will be done at the wedding ceremony? Maybe there are certain holidays that require certain foods; learn about it so you can keep the traditions alive and so you can partake in these customs with your new family.

4. Living well is the best revenge

I don't know who said it but whoever it was, was right. It's up to you to make it work. It may be stressful at first as you settle into married life and get to know your new family but with time, you'll feel happier and more accepted. Along the way, you may encounter people who are opposed to your union and you may experience some level of discrimination but as long as you focus on keeping a happy and healthy marriage, those things can't come between you.

Deciding to marry out your ethnic background takes a certain amount of courage and strength and even though it may be harder at times, it's definitely worth being with the person you love.

Learn more about this author, Rebecca Vargas.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.