by Joe Paradis

Created on: December 11, 2008

Another Year of Stringing the Lights

"Don't wanna," I said, but not too firmly. I knew the inevitability of the situation.

"Why not?" my wife responded. "It's a beautiful day, perfect weather. There won't be many more days like this before Christmas."

She was right and I knew it. It was sixty degrees outside. So with a heavy sigh, I trudged up the second-floor stairs and retrieved the outdoor Christmas decorations from the closet. We don't have many outside decorations left only five or six cartons these days. I'm gradually working to get that down to zero cartons. Wellmaybe one. Okay, maybe two. We'll see

Toward that end, I try to toss out something each year. Last year, I threw out our tacky lights in the shape of bows, which we had always strung across the porch railings. Every single year, there was always one section of bulbs on those monsters that wouldn't light. It required a painstaking search for the one loose bulb that was preventing electricity from flowing. To address that problem, I've always used the fairly reliable "shake method", recommended by 3 out of 4 cogent Christmas decorators. This involves a sharp shake or two to the problem area. With a little luck, that's usually enough to jolt the lights on. But if the shake doesn't work or just loosens more bulbs and if, like me, you haven't the patience to check every bulb to see which are loose - then, again like me, you just toss the darned thing in the trash. So that's what I did last year. I am positive that one of our trash men is enjoying our bow lights this year - because he possesses the virtue of true patience which I lack.

But there was still plenty of stuff to use this year. I unpacked the fake garland, which still looks pretty realistic, and wound it around the six posts on the porch. I unpacked the huge, gold-painted, plastic ornaments and dangled those above the railings where the petunia plants hang in better weather. I hung the wreath on the front door and the made-in-Communist-China "Christmas Welcome" sign from the lamp post. That was it for the easy stuff.

Next, I unpacked, ever so gently, the icicle lights that we hang along the roof edge on the gutters. Thankfully this year, only one section of that thirty-foot length required the "shake method". They went up like a charm. So did the string of lights for the front of the greenhouse.

I wasn't as fortunate with the wire reindeer that we usually place on the front lawn. When I tested them in the garage, they lit up completely, all along

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