by Trenna Sue Hiler

Created on: December 11, 2008   Last Updated: December 06, 2011

There will be major disagreements and maybe some down right dirty fights. If you always agree, someone is probably being way too passive. Let's talk abut the three C's of a good marriage and see if they can help us work through those things that we disagree about big time.

~Communication

You and your spouse can always improve communication skills. Even if you have been married so long you can finish each others' sentences. There are still things to learn. For example, have you gotten so confident you know the answer,  that you have stopped asking the question? That is a mistake. Do you practice reflective listening and repeat back what you understood for clarification. That's a good habit.

Hopefully we all learn, grow, and change. Your spouse should be surprised by your answers and ideas sometimes. That means the relationship and your ideas are not stagnant.

You need to be communicating even if you don't agree. You can't learn to respect an opinion even if you don't agree with it. There is something of value in what they have to say.

~Compromise

Compromise and tolerance brings peace to any relationship. This is a game of give and take where both parties move toward the middle. If one person is just giving in all the time,  this is not compromise, it's abuse.

No one is suggesting you should compromise your very beliefs or core values. However, you can go with your spouse to a political meeting and sit quietly and listen, even if you disagree. Support your partner by being there and being quiet.

Find something in every situation you can agree on. You may have different religious views , but you may be able to agree that children should learn to not steal, lie or kill. If everyone gives a little it's a job well done.

~Connect

It's important to remember what brought you together in the first the first place. Connect physically, emotionally and mentally on the many things you do agree on. These connections need to be cared for and treasured. Don't allow the things you disagree on to ruin things you have together and go agree on.

Now those are the three C's, but they may not be enough. So here's the last bit of wisdom.

~Agree to disagree

There are some things that we just disagree about. If both of you feel passionate in opposite directions, agree to disagree. Stop talking about it. Stop trying to convince the other party to see your side. Put it on the shelf and leave it there as a testament to your respect of one another.

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