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It is really hard for children to except a step-parent. This is why I believe that the parents should sit down and talk with the children before anything permanent happens. When children feel threatened or unhappy, that is when your relationship with your significant other and your children go down hill. I know this because I have been there once before. I believe that your children should have some say in what happens in their home and life.

I recently got engaged to a wonderful man. We both have children from our previous marriage. I have five children: 2 boys and 3 girls. He has 2 boys. The children are happy for us but we are worried about how they are going to be with us. I'm going to be the boys step-mom and he will be my children's step-father. We both believe that we should not force our children to call us mom and dad. We have found that if you don't pressure the children, they feel more comfortable and maybe more apt to start calling us mom and dad. I feel that if you treat your step-children the same you treat your children, you are more successful with your relationship with them. Right now only one of my children call him dad and one of his boys calls me mom once in awhile. That is fine with both of us. We have talked about this on more than one occasion and we have come to the conclusion that the only thing that matters is the children's happiness. We have not set a date to be married until we are sure that the children will be all right with the change. My children, all but one, are really excited about the marriage. His two boys are excited to get a mom since their mom has not bothered at all. I know that I am more than happy to be their mom and it doesn't matter if they call me mom or not. My children know they have a dad already but they adore my soon to be husband. My one son who is not happy will come around sooner or later. We know it's going to take time, but we are patient.

When we sat down and talked with the children, the most part they were happy, but we could see that some of them are worried. We both want them to understand that even though the living situation is going to change, that we still love them the same and that will never change. I have already told my children that they don't have to call him dad and I told his boys that they don't have to call me mom. They are happy with that and I think I'm getting closer to his boys. I have even spent time alone with his boys. They seem to be more comfortable with me when we are alone. We are trying to get it where he can spend alone time with my children. I think this idea is a big help once it comes to having a good relationship with your step-children.

I believe that if you take your time, spend alone time, assure them your not taking their mom/dad's place, and show them the same love and understanding that you show your own children, I think your relationship with your spouse and step-children will grow to be strong and great. I'm not sure if my advise will help you or not but it wouldn't hurt to try. God bless and good luck to you.

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