by Bridget Webber

Created on: December 11, 2008   Last Updated: December 29, 2008

When we say that someone has changed their personality for a relationship, what we really mean is that they are behaving in a certain way which isn't authentic to their true selves, in order to please another and ingratiate themselves to that person. There are many reasons why some people do this, and most of them spring from wanting the other person in the relationship to think well of them.

We all want those that we care for and admire to feel the same way about us. Therefore it isn't surprising when some of us decide to help this process along a little by attempting to make the ball roll in our favor with regards to how another person views us. However, when we behave in this way we inadvertently begin living a lie that is hard to keep up, and which is uncomfortable to continue anyway.

The truth is that we are unable to change our personality to suit someone else. We can only choose to truly change our natures via the process of natural transformation that comes from learning and new experiences. When we try to force change all we get is pretense that takes allot of energy because it is unnatural and goes against our inner being.

If we feel that we have to change our personality in order for another person to accept us then we probably need to re-evaluate what we are doing with that person in the first place. It they cant love us for what and who we truly are then the chances are that they are as wrong for us as we are for them.

There may be occasions when we aspire to become better people and to win the love of another who we idolise and believe is on a higher level of being than we are. This type of admiration isn't a bad thing. Nor is wanting to improve. But what we all really want from a partner is that they be our soul mate.

Soul mates do not require that we feel like less of a person in comparison to them. In fact, we may change for the better when we are with them naturally but this is because they make us feel like more of a person who is worthy of experiencing confidence.

Therefore changing your personality for a relationship is rarely good. Nothing that makes you be anything less than your self is worthwhile as it detracts from your nature, rather than making you whole or expanding your joy.

The greatest gift that we can gain from a relationship that is based on being genuine is that of absolute acceptance. Once we feel accepted we gain inner happiness and are at peace with ourselves. We also gain self esteem and feel free to become all that we can be, rather than force ourselves to be that which we are not in a relationship based on falsification.

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