by Ed Dugan

Created on: December 10, 2008   Last Updated: January 13, 2009

Happiness, contentment, satisfaction with your life - they all reside within your inner self and not what is happening today,what happened yesterday or what might happen tomorrow. External things, many of which we can't control, affect us on a daily basis but they have nothing to do with creating happiness within yourself.

How to achieve that inner happiness has been a quest for man since he or she first stepped out of the cave. An endless number of people are ready to tell you how to find happiness, mostly for a price, but what makes me happy doesn't necessarily make you happy, or any of your friends and family happy. So, the first thing you must learn is that happiness is not a transferable commodity - you can't pick up your happiness and shift it over to someone else, no matter how badly you might want to.

To find real happiness you have to examine your expectations because that's where the real truth begins. Giving a starving person a loaf of bread might make them happy because their expectations are minimal - they need something to eat. On the other hand, if that person had the expectation of someone giving them an 8 course meal, then the loaf of bread might save their life but they wouldn't be really happy and they might even be disappointed. What that should tell you is that fulfilling your expectations is closely related to how satisfied you are so maybe you should focus on finding satisfaction from little things - a walk in the park for instance rather than a trip to the Miami Beach. If little things make you happy you are on the right track.

Unrealistic expectations can contribute a lot to making sure you are never happy or satisfied. There is nothing wrong with setting goals or dreaming big things for yourself - that's what makes life exciting and worthwhile. If you are fortunate enough to have some of those dreams come true - so much the better - but it is a huge mistake to equate that with your personal happiness. Learn to differentiate between achievements and happiness. Achievments are not something you can control completely - some of it is luck, a lot of it is adequate preparation, but circumstances outside of your control will ultimately be the determining factor as to whether you achieve something or not.

So keep your "happiness indicator" set on little things - a smile from one of your children, a fun weekend with your spouse or with some good friends, some time alone with a good book. If you do, you won't have to worry about your expectations because real happiness has success built right into it.

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