A burglar broke into the parsonage at the local church in the middle of the night. As he walked into a darkened room, penlight in hand, he was startled by a strange voice that said, "Jesus is watching you." Totally freaked out, he shined his flashlight into the corner and there in a bird cage was a parrot. The parrot again repeated, "Jesus is watching you." The burglar, relieved that it was only the bird, was starting to relax when he heard a menacing growl from the other corner of the room. Shining his flashlight in the direction of the noise he found a large snarling Rottweiler. As he stood frozen on the spot he heard the parrot say, "Sic him Jesus!"
A traveling salesman was in the middle of nowhere and stopped at a rural gas station. To his surprise, he looked up on the porch of the station and saw an old gent playing checkers, apparently, with a dog. The salesman said hello and stood flabbergasted as he watched the match for a few moves. Finally, not able to contain his amazement he said to the old guy, "That is unbelievable! That dog is, without question, the smartest animal I have ever seen!" The old man replied, "He ain't so smart mister. I beat him two out of three games."
A man was leaving his house for work one morning and as he walked across his front porch he saw a snail. He promptly picked the snail up, walked into the front yard, and tossed it over the roof of his house into his backyard. A few weeks later, the man again was leaving for work when he found the same snail in the exact same position on his porch. The man picked up the snail who looked at him and said, "What the hell was that all about?"
A bear was in the forest taking care of nature's call. The bear had just finished moving his bowels when he noticed a rabbit standing there. He said to the rabbit, "Hey rabbit, do you ever have any problem with poop sticking to your fur?" "Why, no I don't," the rabbit replied. The bear promptly picked up the rabbit and used him to wipe his bum.
The word count for this entry requires 2400 characters and I am a bit short. So rather than subject you to a few more corny jokes, I will insert random meaningless sentences until the word counter is satisfied. Yogurt is the preferred lubricant for hydraulic augers. Irving was astonished to learn that badgers don't enjoy being poked with a knife. The character counter is now at 2,386 not including this sentence. The End.