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sound of the waves was speaking to me in a voice that was easy to undestand. On a lark I turned to her and suggested a naughty midnight swim sans clothing. We had never been skinny dipping together, but we were alone, in love and the moon and the water were perfect for it. Much to my very happy surprise she grinned at me and said sure! I was stunned.

The starlight twinkled in her eyes and the moonlight framed her wonderful face with a luminescent glow. The water glistening on her breasts sent shivers down my spine. Taking her in my arms and kissing her passionately I quickly made up my mind that I would live out one of my romantic fantasies and make love to my wife on a moonlit beach. Takng her in my arms I carried her to the shore. I had spoke not a word but knew that she understood my amourous intentions. I softly stood her up on the beach and then lie down on my back with a look of rapture in my eyes and anticipation in my heart. As she kneeled beside me to kiss me that look of rapture turned into a look of sheer unadulterated horror.

I jumped to my feet and screamed like a child in terror as a giant crab with unbelievably sharp pinchers had attached itself to the most tender part of my anatomy. I was hopping around as if my feet were on fire and screaming bloody murder. Though I thought we were alone, people started showing up from nowhere to gape at this naked man jumping all around with a crab dangling between his legs. With tears streaming down my cheeks I cried out for my wife to assist but she found the whole scene much too humorous to be able to do anything but laugh. I do not believe that I have ever seen her laugh quite so hard. As I finally dislodged this monster I could not help but notice that there were perhaps twenty other people peeking out from places all around the beach and that all of them were laughing almost as hard as my poor wife. For some reason I just did not appreciate their sense of humor.

The following day I was very hopeful that I could put this entire nightmare behind me but soon realized that this would not be the case when I read the beginning of the postcard that my wife was writing to her mother. It read ... Dear mom, we have been having a wonderful time in Jamaica until Mike got the crabs.

I have never been able to live it down.

Learn more about this author, Pops Miller.
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