by Chris Thelen

Created on: December 10, 2008

In the long list of people appearing before Congress for a bailout, no one expected to see Santa Claus. Yet, there he was asking for a bridge loan to get him through until the New Year. It was a shock to all of us. No one ever knew that the Jolly Old Elf's enterprises were on such a dangerous precipice.

He has been a fixture of Christmas for decades. Perhaps we should have suspected the goodie train would eventually derail. It seemed too good to be true that every year we would get these wonderful gifts from a red and white suited man who built these things in the North Pole. How could he keep giving away so much for so many years? Apparently, it was a financial house of cards ready to fail.

So there sat Santa in his dingy red and white suit before Congress begging for a few billion just like so many firms before him.

"The children have been so good this year," Santa said as he testified in front of a panel of Senators. "All I need is a few billion to get me through until the New Year."

However, the Senators were unsympathetic. "Isn't it true that you traveled here in a luxurious, private sleigh? That doesn't sound like someone who is hurting for money."

Santa reluctantly confessed that he had traveled to Washington in his private sleigh. He explained that it ran on green power called reindeer, but the Senators were not amused. They grilled Santa for a restructuring plan that would ensure his operation remained solvent in order to not waste taxpayer money.

Santa warned of the consequences if his global operations went under. "There will be millions of children waking up on Christmas morning without any presents under the tree," he cautioned. He thought he had enough capital to keep his Santa visits open at stores and malls, but was unsure if he could keep them going until Christmas.

The Senators did not flinch at such a threat. "You've outsourced all your jobs to the North Pole," one Senator pointed out. "You have no operations in the U.S."

"What about all those elves working for you?" another Senator pointedly asked. "I hear they are working without benefits."

Santa tried to explain that he provided them with free room and board, but the committee was shocked to learn he did not pay them anything that they merely enjoyed working for him. It was all about the spirit of giving to make the kids happy.

The inquisition continued unabated. "Here you are, a foreign firm asking the U.S. government for a bailout. Why should we help you out?"

"Do it for the children," Santa pleaded.

"I say let him fail." one Senator replied.

"Let the private sector take over," another commented.

"He abuses his reindeer," a Senator partial to animal interests remarked. "He makes them work 24 hours straight without a break."

However, when the grilling was finished and the last demeaning comment made to Santa, it appeared the Senate Committee would give in to his request. After all, the children's lobby was strong. What senator would want to be blamed with taking Christmas away from a child?

So with his bailout check in hand, Santa sprang to his private sleigh and flew out of Washington like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, as he disappeared from sight, "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night."

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