by Bob Trowbridge

Created on: December 09, 2008   Last Updated: January 13, 2009

There is a myth in America that happiness is brought about by something outside ourselves. It could be a thing or a person. Many of us live our entire lives looking for the right job, the right mate, and the right possessions.

The sad thing about this is that our own experiences show us that it doesn't work. As soon as we gain the thing we want the most, we enjoy it for minutes, days, or months, at the most, and then we are off wanting something else.

We seek for something or someone outside of ourselves in order to fill the many emotional holes we experience, from childhood to the present. But things and people can never fill those holes because they never made the holes in the first place.

Happiness can only come from within. What makes us happy? We are happy when someone is kind to us or even when someone smiles at us. We are happy when someone listens to us and lends us their shoulder to cry on. We are also happiest when we do those same things for others.

The secret to happiness is in giving, not receiving. Receiving is a side-effect, a bonus. True happiness comes not from seeking happiness but in giving happiness to others. When you give love to others, you are happy. When others give love to you, you are happy. When we love ourselves we are happy. When we love ourselves, we have love to give to others.

The secret to unhappiness is seeking something outside yourself that will make you happy. The secret to happiness is to acknowledge and be grateful for what you already have. Happiness is not a matter of your actual circumstances. It is a matter of your attitude toward your circumstances.

One could be in prison and be happier than many who are supposedly free. One could have almost nothing, in terms of material possessions, and be happier than many millionaires. When we appreciate what we have and our life condition, we are happy.

On a recent flight, I sat down next to a young woman, with a seat between us. After a short while, I realized that the young woman had no legs. Her left arm ended in a stub and her right arm ended in a large thumb and one stubby finger. Nevertheless, she talked on her cell phone and used her laptop.

She taught me that I had nothing to be unhappy about. I had nothing to complain about. In fact, in spite of my desires to improve my life in many ways, I realized that I had no reason to be unhappy with my life right now. In fact I was blessed and privileged and didn't even know it.

When we look at what we do not have, we can make ourselves miserable. When we look at what we have and feel gratitude every day, we are blessed and we are happy.

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