by Tina Haskell

Created on: December 09, 2008

Life is Just Beginning

I was supposed to be at home snuggling up next to my five day old baby boy; feeding him, holding him, sitting there endlessly watching him sleep and smile as he dreamed about who knows what in that innocent mind of his. But instead, on that hot July night, I was fighting for my life on a cold sterile table in an emergency room as doctors and nurses franticly raced around ordering tests and administering medications into my IV. I had gone from resting and recovering from a so-called simple procedure to full-blown multiple organ failure in a matter of minutes and no one saw it coming.

I had just been released from the hospital earlier that evening after spending two days being treated for high blood pressure and the worst headache of my life. After doing a CT scan of my brain and finding some lesions, my neurologist decided that it was possible I had Multiple Sclerosis. Not only could I be going home with a brand new baby, but I could also be going home with a brand new life altering disease. I started imagining the worst: being in constant pain, not being able to walk, not being able to see, not being able to take care of my children, not being able to work and contribute to the family. I was scared to death and questioning what I had done to deserve all of this. The neurologist informed me that we would wait a couple of weeks for me to recover from having the baby and then begin running some more rigorous tests to try and establish a definite diagnosis. So, in the mean time, I was discharged from the hospital with my headache and blood pressure under control. Unfortunately, that did not last long.

My husband, Tom, and I had driven home from the hospital for the second time that week. The first time was to bring home our new baby Andrew for the first time. That second time was a much less joyous occasion. Neither one of us spoke the entire way home. However, as if sensing the tension, the baby cried the entire way. Once we arrived home, I fed the baby before gently lying him down in his bassinet. I stood there for a few moments watching him sleep, envious of his innocence. I couldn't help but smile as he began to suck on his bottom lip. Every now and then a little grin would creep up on his beautiful little mouth and I could see the hollow of a dimple appear on his right cheek, then slowly disappear. He was so tiny and beautiful and I could have stood there forever just watching him sleep, but I was exhausted. I knew I would be no good to

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