by Dee Devers

Created on: December 09, 2008

Having a substance abuse problem in most peoples minds is a sign of weakness. Once you are able to admit to yourself you have a problem you are on the right path. I believe it takes courage and conviction to admit a substance has taken over your life and ability to function. Most people who have these addictions have family members that are well aware of the issue. Children are really not as naive as we would like to believe. Odds are if they are old enough they have some idea. What and how to tell them should be age appropriate. Having a parent leave for an extended amount of time is very confusing and scary to a child. I have heard stories of parents telling children they are "going away for a while". Even worse they will tell the child they are ill and need to get well. Even though this is true, as substance abuse is a very often fatal disease telling a child you are sick and going away to get better may conjure up images that the parent is deathly ill and may not return alive. So what do you do and how do you do it?

Let your child or children know that you indeed are in need of some medical help. If age appropriate explain to them that you have made mistakes. Explain what you have been using in the simplest terms. Let them know why it is a problem and imperative you stop. Explain to them why medical intervention is required and that when you return you hope to be a better parent. It is important to tell them that how you have been living your life is not acceptable. let them know you would never want this life style for them. Tell them how this has affected your ability to be a productive family member. Be ready for questions.

Substance abuse robs us of our lives and our families. You merely exist. In many cases our older children and spouses are involved as co-dependents whether by choice or out of love. No one wants to see their family member suffer, and substance abusers can be quite convincing as to why the substance is needed. Use that convection and love when explaining to them why you need help. Let them know what will be happening in the program and give them a reference or a time frame for your return home. If visits are allowed at the facility let them know you will be able to see them at some point before coming home. Plan for them before leaving who will be taking over your parental duties and let them know they are in no way being abandoned. Let them know you love them and this is your problem and no one else is to blame.

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