by LaDonna Hatfield

Created on: December 09, 2008

You know those commercials that ask "Where does depression hurt?" and "Who does depression hurt?" Anyone suffering from depression knows the answers to the questions before they are given on screen. Knowing the answers, "depression hurts everywhere and everyone", what is a thoughtful holiday gift to a person in the pain of depression? Perhaps the best gift is the ability to continue to be a friend (even though you must bear the burden of initiating the contact 99% of the time) and offering an unwavering supporting ear all wrapped in a sincere and caring refusal to give up on a friendship diminished by the symptoms of clinical depression.

A loved one suffering from depression no longer finds the joy in the simple wonders of life. If you love and care for someone living with the pain and hurt of depression, refuse to let go. They still need you even if they fail to express it or cannot muster the enthusiasm of joy in your friendship. There are ways to work around a depressed friend's walls. After work, ask them to go with you to pick up the kids and take a drive to look at the lights. Share your ups and downs with the person who is depressed, and then let them know how much you appreciated the opportunity to "vent". Your depressed friend will feel more useful as a person, will receive the companionship they crave but don't know how to ask for, and will have broken their after-work cycle of a depressed evening for a change.

In addition, do the normal things with a little extra caring this year. Write a personal note in the Christmas card letting your friend know how special they are. If you give a gift, understand that if it's one that will be cherished, your friend may cry instead of smile, and respond the way you would if your friend had accepted the gift with her usual aplomb. In other words, stay normal, and treat your friend as if she is normal, too. It can help her feel normal in the midst of an unbearable condition.

Your friend or loved one may no longer find comfort and joy in the activities that once made her smile. Help her to find those feelings again by sharing yours with her. Invite her to watch your kids in the Christmas play, or take her with you to help pick out your Christmas tree, or insist on accompanying her to the doctor's appointment. Continue to be a friend to the person who feels she no longer has anything to offer to the friendship. This will help her find her way back to trusting someone, and in that trust, she will find some of the comfort and joy she craves.

It is not easy to befriend the person suffering with depression. You may feel your efforts go unrewarded, and you may never comprehend fully how much your efforts mean to someone who feels so lost. Consider it a gift to yourself this Christmas. You will feel better by continuing a friendship to someone who needs it the most and is the least able to accept it. It may be a poignant gift, but it will warm your heart as the giver, and it will mean more to the recipient than she can ever express.

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