by Julie R Butler

Created on: December 09, 2008   Last Updated: January 13, 2009

The wisest advice I ever received in my life came from a epitaph, hand-sewn in cross stitching, that hung on the wall of my home when I was growing up. Someone had taken the time to lovingly create this little gem, and it always comes to mind whenever I seek guidance. It was the Prayer of Serenity, which said, "God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference." I have always remembered that sage advice, for it seems to apply to every situation, and has proven to be the secret to finding balance and even happiness in my life.

The prayer begins with "Serenity" and a recognition that there are many aspects of life that are out of the control of any one individual. From the economy to the weather, and anything that involves forces that are larger and more powerful than ourselves, serene acceptance of these forces brings great relief, especially if one has been wasting their energy trying to fight against them to no avail. This same resigned attitude might also be expressed as "going with the flow," or the acceptance that "it is what it is." This is also a recognition about human nature, in that knowing our own limits and understanding our own character helps us to set realistic goals and find real solutions to problems that require honest self-reflection to get through.

"Courage to change" balances the inaction of acceptance with the action of doing something to change what we are dissatisfied with. Change requires risk and newness, and conjuring up the courage to change comes from recognizing that we are in charge of our own actions. Successfully pulling ourselves out of unhappy situations or taking a leap into something to improve our lives is extremely gratifying and confidence building. Positive change can range from actions like stopping bad habits such as smoking or eating unhealthy diets to repairing relationships to learning a new skill to changing careers.

"The Wisdom to know the difference" between what we cannot change and what we can comes from honest self-reflection, engagement with the world around us, and experience. One of the most important lessons of this wisdom is the understanding that we can not change anyone but ourselves. As we each strive toward happiness in our lives, discovering how to make wise choices in every respect will result in an inner calm that keeps us more balanced and focused on achieving the goals that we set for ourselves and our families. And if we remain open to learning from surprising sources as well as from our own mistakes, and we learn to balance acceptance with action, we can achieve the most satisfaction and happiness possible in times that are difficult as well as those that are easy. In the end, our happiness is in our own hands.

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