WHAT IS DIVORCE MEDIATION?
Divorce can mean anger and headache, conflict and expense. When a case goes to trial, both parties are represented by attorneys who are each out to win. The adversarial nature of a courtroom divorce results in finger-pointing and blame, adding to long-term hard feelings and making co-parenting more difficult. Is there a better alternative?
Mediation can be the key to a more peaceful divorce. A divorce mediator is a neutral third party who listens to the concerns of the splitting partners, helping them to identify important issues and work together to draft a settlement agreement. In California, when divorcing parents cannot agree about child custody or visitation, they must use court-based mediation. A mediator will use interspace negotiation to create a parenting arrangement that feels fair to everyone.
A study that looked at California's court-based mediation program ten years after it was created found that most people were satisfied with the mediation experience. Mediators tend to offer helpful ideas for resolving conflict and reaching a workable parenting agreement. Private divorce mediators also help with property division, financial matters, spousal support, or other divorce-related issues.
BENEFITS OF MEDIATION
Using a mediator cuts down on the stress and expense of divorce conflict. Unlike an attorney who is determined to win for his or her client by any means possible, a mediator is neutral. With a focus on collaboration, mediation allows the divorcing couple to figure out the issues together.
After all, the people involved in a divorce are the ones who know their own situation best. In contrast, going to trial allows important issues to be decided by a judge - a stranger to the family. A judge can know only as much as the lawyers present, and may not be aware of all the dynamics of the failed marriage.
When child custody is at issue, mediation can result in a parenting plan that is more attuned to the unique needs of the children. Mediation may keep divorcing parents out of court entirely, turning what might have been a hostile, adversarial custody trial into a simple legal agreement.
Not that divorce mediation is completely without conflict. Certainly, whatever communication problems led to the end of the marriage can and will arise during mediation. But a skillful mediator gives both parties a chance to express their ideas, offers information about their alternatives, and helps them negotiate toward a workable divorce settlement agreement.
HOW DOES MEDIATION WORK?
Mediation typically takes several sessions, usually about six to ten hours total, depending upon the number of issues to be resolved and how well each party agrees at the start. The first session will probably focus on information gathering. The mediator will ask for financial and other information, and discuss confidentiality and goals.
Divorcing parents will present facts about their children and will be asked to visualize a custody plan for the family. It's likely that no agreement will be made during the first session, but the main issues will be identified. Everybody will get their chance to speak. In mediation, it's important to listen respectfully to the other person, even when you disagree.
In fact, parents who use mediation successfully are those who impress the mediator with their parenting abilities and concern for their children. Willingness to cooperate and negotiate are a plus in this environment. A skillful mediator will not pressure you into an agreement you don't want, so if you come to an impasse, step back and take time to cool off and think about things before the next meeting.
REACHING SETTLEMENT
Over 85% of mediated divorces result in the creation of a divorce settlement agreement. Even if the parties go to trial in the end, the negotiation that happens during mediation usually resolves some of the issues. This makes divorce less expensive by reducing court costs and legal fees.
A mediated agreement created in this cooperative process is more likely to be honored by both parties. Once a divorce settlement agreement is drafted, it's good idea to have an attorney look it over to ensure that everything has been done correctly and according to law.
After completing mediation, you can be confident that the best alternatives were chosen in your divorce. By using a mediator to reach a settlement, you will have helped to shape the decisions that affect your future. Mediation results in negotiated solutions that work best for your family's long-term benefit.