by Pamela Baum

Created on: December 09, 2008   Last Updated: December 17, 2008

WHAT IS DIVORCE MEDIATION?

Divorce can mean anger and headache, conflict and expense. When a case goes to trial, both parties are represented by attorneys who are each out to win. The adversarial nature of a courtroom divorce results in finger-pointing and blame, adding to long-term hard feelings and making co-parenting more difficult. Is there a better alternative?

Mediation can be the key to a more peaceful divorce. A divorce mediator is a neutral third party who listens to the concerns of the splitting partners, helping them to identify important issues and work together to draft a settlement agreement. In California, when divorcing parents cannot agree about child custody or visitation, they must use court-based mediation. A mediator will use interspace negotiation to create a parenting arrangement that feels fair to everyone.

A study that looked at California's court-based mediation program ten years after it was created found that most people were satisfied with the mediation experience. Mediators tend to offer helpful ideas for resolving conflict and reaching a workable parenting agreement. Private divorce mediators also help with property division, financial matters, spousal support, or other divorce-related issues.

BENEFITS OF MEDIATION

Using a mediator cuts down on the stress and expense of divorce conflict. Unlike an attorney who is determined to win for his or her client by any means possible, a mediator is neutral. With a focus on collaboration, mediation allows the divorcing couple to figure out the issues together.

After all, the people involved in a divorce are the ones who know their own situation best. In contrast, going to trial allows important issues to be decided by a judge - a stranger to the family. A judge can know only as much as the lawyers present, and may not be aware of all the dynamics of the failed marriage.

When child custody is at issue, mediation can result in a parenting plan that is more attuned to the unique needs of the children. Mediation may keep divorcing parents out of court entirely, turning what might have been a hostile, adversarial custody trial into a simple legal agreement.

Not that divorce mediation is completely without conflict. Certainly, whatever communication problems led to the end of the marriage can and will arise during mediation. But a skillful mediator gives both parties a chance to express their ideas, offers information about their alternatives, and helps them negotiate toward a workable divorce settlement

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