by Laura Massa

Created on: December 09, 2008

Conducting yourself with grace and integrity while seething over an exes behavior and beliefs is a hard pill to swallow.

There are 6 key strategies to making your blended family one that works:

1. Respect the Ex

It doesn't matter how you feel about your ex. It doesn't matter if they climb trees and swing around like an baboon every night. What matter is that you CHOSE to have a child with this person. This person is now the parent of your child. Your child deserves to have thier relationships respected, after all, it is you two who made them in the first place. That means that you need to treat your ex with the respect and courtesy that your child's parent deserves. Your ex is your child's family, and by proxy, will always be yours. Deal with it!

2. Fair for who?

Our society is all about being fair. But fair to who? Odd and even year holidays? How much tradition can they have with that? Face it, the adults messed this up, the kids need continuity of some sort, so stop odd and even-ing the Holidays so that it is fair to the parents. It stinks. There will come a day, when they will WANT to switch holidays just to see what it is like with the parent they don't share a particular holiday with. Civilized, respectful, and graceful people can take that in stride. (I never have my son on Christmas and I don't like it one bit, but I think it is best for HIM!)

3. The Steps- "You can only have one mother and one father, but you can have many PARENTS"

Like it or not, the world doesn't revolve around you, your ex, and the kids you made together. Amazingly these "step-people" actually are human and entitled to the same rights and respect that your kids, your ex, and you are! Additionally, they are even entitled to have house rules and enforce them! You see, just because you OWN the children, doesn't mean that you can throw them into the "steps" life...your SHARED home... and expect them to cater to the little ankle biters whims and bad behavior. Steps can be a huge asset to the new blended family, bringing fresh perspectives and ideas to the table that can make your children more well rounded people. Does the new spouse treat your children unfairly? Well why the heck did you marry them then!

4. Oh no girlfriend...you didn't just say that.

It is alarming how often parents behave irreprehensibly when it comes to dealing with the new dynamics of the family THEY created. Jealously snapping at children when they are sharing a story about something they have done with daddy and his

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>