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How to tell if it's love or just lust

We all have the basic idea that love and lust are different, but it is sometimes difficult to apply this knowledge. Writers on the topic of love subscribe to the notion that different types of love exist. Helen Fisher suggests that the three types of love are lust, romantic love and long-term attachment. Whoa! Is that lust I see posing as a type of love Helen?

Robert Sternberg developed the "Triangular theory of love". The triangular love theory suggests that the shape of love is influenced by intimacy, commitment and passion. In case you're wondering, passion is used there to describe physical and sexual attraction. The multi-dimensional nature of love makes it easier for some to confuse love and lust.

According to the Economist, love "uses the neural mechanisms that are activated during the process of addiction". Lust is simply a strong sexual desire. However, lust is not as unsophisticated as we may initially think. Research has shown that engaging in casual sex releases chemicals like "serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin and endogenous opioids". This even facilitates bonding or an ephemeral feeling of closeness after casual sex.

It is possible to distinguish love from lust by understanding the relationship between the two. Lust (as in passion or sexual desire) is a component of bonding and a component of love. Very few will disagree that sex and passion have a significant role to play in intimate relationships (that's partially why they're so intimate). However, love is something greater as it encompasses two other dimensions.

My former principal once said that sex without love is mutual masturbation. Sex minus the trust, committment, mutual knowledge and strong bonding is rather superficial. Lust does not normally involve discovery of the sexual nuances of your partner. It's a bit more selfish in that regard- like mutual masturbation.

The triangular love theory conceptualises the difference between love and lust. Passion and lust can be thought of as synonyms. Commitment refers a "stable, dependable devotion" while intimacy refers to sharing on the level of thoughts and feelings (not physical intimacy).

Romantic love usually begins with an emphasis on passion; followed by intimacy and then commitment. Helen Fisher describes romantic love as being fairly unstable. Any relationship that has a high emphasis on passion (lust) would be an infatuation, one-night stand. A monogamous sexual relationship would be blind love (passion and some degree of commitment without


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