It is an unfortunate fact that people move on. In this world of hyper-drive sensuality and just in time gratification, it is difficult to keep a vacuum cleaner running, much less a connection with another person. Add to this any amount of distance, and it is bound to fail.
A long distance relationship is simply two people leading their lives in two places. There is no coming home and talking about their day. There is no glass of wine in front of the fire or spirited game of Mario Kart. This can be done online or over the phone easily enough, but over time, things are missed. No cuddling. No holding hands. No eye contact or body language. Eventually every story isn't told. Every person or situation isn't mentioned. Separate places become separate lives. Lovers become friends at best, and strangers at worst.
Three things can happen to drive a wedge between two of the most well-meaning long distance lovers - lack of focus, a fleeting heart, or resentment. In most cases, it is a deadly combination of all three.
There are big, loud and flashy things going on around us every day. Careers, car payments, family crises, friendships - even a good book - can steal focus at any time. A day is filled with a million little explosions, some good and some bad. Multiply this scenario by two, and you have our distanced lovers. If they were in the same town, seeing each other would bring them back to base, recharge their batteries and refocus that energy on each other for a little while. Unfortunately, without the recharge, the batteries that power that relationship will die...usually slowly and sadly...dolling out what once was a lively tune in long, off-key and warbling tones until eventually one of the two turns it off.
New people inevitably come into the picture to accompany those big, loud and flashy things that keep stealing our focus. Our lovers, while dealing with their daily explosions, may accidentally connect with one of those new people. Attraction is a dangerous and unpredictable thing, and it can hit anyone at any time. Without the intimacy (or, let's face it, the watchful eyes) of a local relationship, it can be easy to move from "innocent lunch" to "guilty breakfast" in the blink of an eye (or the turn up of a pint). A fleeting heart in one lover can quickly lead to a breaking heart in the other. Granted, this can happen to a 30 year marriage...the odds are stacked higher when those batteries haven't been recharged in a while, though.
Our lovers have planned a meeting to bring the focus back to each other. Something explodes, and one lover has to cancel. Enter resentment. Resentment is a permanent fixture of life - like oil changes and W-2s. Resentment in combination with understanding, intimacy, a good meal, long talks and that glass of wine in front of the fire, will ebb and flow, interweaving with everything else to form a pretty great, if somewhat messy, relationship. Resentment on its own, however, festers and slowly turns into suspicion, clinginess, and desperation - all of those ugly things that none of us want to admit exist in our psyches.
One of these scenarios can topple the most devoted of long distance lovers. Usually, however, a combination of all three is at the root of the demise. Lack of focus leads to accidental (or not) infidelity, which leads to resentment and suspicion, which leads to the break up. This can happen to anyone, but a great distance between two people very rarely ever helps the situation.
People have so much to do in this crazy world. Making time for each other tends to fall low on the priority list, so much so that a happily monogamous couple living under the same roof has about a 50% chance of survival. A long distance relationship - one in which two people are too far away to see one another every day - just cannot be sustained indefinitely.