I am writing this article as a woman who is living with depression. I was diagnosed this past February, had many very rough months, and am now on the road to recovery. (I am recently down from the highest dose of my medicine to the lowest!)
This past August I was given a card for my birthday. The giver is someone I care about deeply and think the world of, a person I know had the very best intentions. The card was long and meaningful and made me cry; however, the tears did not come just because it was meaningful, they came because I had just been given what amounted to a depression card for my birthday. I remarked on how lovely the card was, and moved on. After they left the tears came in earnest, catching my husband somewhat off-guard.
While those of us suffering with depression by all means need support, holidays and birthdays are an opportunity to escape that need in others eyes and just celebrate the day. What any gift giver needs to remember before anything else is this: the sufferer more than likely already knows that you love and support them, and that you are aware of their needs. What they do not need is to be reminded of their depression, but gently brought through it. With that in mind, you might do well to avoid gifts that say "you are depressed", whether or not they also say "I am here for you".
Going again from experience, I realize the things that help me live happily are mostly hobby-related. When I am having a good day I like to keep busy sewing, knitting, scrapbooking, painting or doing any number of small crafty things. These simple tasks keep me from thinking about depression and sliding backwards into it. I get a sense of accomplishment without feeling any sense of demand or urgency. I do them because I love them; and do them in my own time. If your friend has a favorite hobby, I would certainly buy him or her anything related to it that might bring an extra measure of joy.
Do not be afraid to be creative yourself. For example, I have a fish tank and absolutely adore tropical fish. Knowing this, a good friend might choose to bring me the gift of a new fish. Watching them swim is both calming and pleasing, and watching a fish that was a thoughtful gift would make the experience that much more enjoyable. A living reminder that this person cares, you might say.
If your friend or family member is into crafts, discreetly find out what they have been able to keep up with, and purchase accordingly. One Christmas I was gifted a lot of pretty papers, stickers and trim for my scrapbooking. Another time I was given the gift of material for my sewing machine. Each was thoughtful and brought me joy with the memory of those friends and family members with every use.
For the more athletic person, a gift of sporting goods or outerwear would be appropriate; for the avid reader the latest book from a favorite author. There are no limitations to gift-giving just because a person has depression. Remember the goal is, after all, to brighten their day, not remind them of the illness.
My last suggestions would be for the newly diagnosed or those suffering depression the most severely. In the strongest throws of depression there is no motivation to keep up with even the best-loved hobbies. Chances are this person needs some good rest and very quiet support. In these cases I would suggest a throw pillow that could be held, or a blanket to cozy with. Even a good pair of pajamas, a robe or other restful gift would do. If you notice candles around, choose a scent that might be appreciated. For ladies, gifts that pamper are nice and would give her something to make her feel better quietly in her own time. Bath soaps or lotions, a pedicure or manicure set with new polish... anything that says 'enjoy being you'.
The bottom line is this; reaffirm your support without making a bold statement. Depressed people do not need another reminder that even a good life feels completely broken and hopeless, and trust me, we enjoy getting a real gift as much as the next person. Be thoughtful, but do not be pushy. Show them that you really do care by doing your research and giving a gift that reflects who they are at their best, but can be enjoyed even at their lowest. I know a card with a simple 'Happy Birthday' instead of 'you get down a lot and life feels crappy but know that we are here for you' would have gone a long way with me.