by Vickie Vanderbush

Created on: December 08, 2008

A year ago tonight I sat by her side

trying to hold on and trying to let go.

I don't ever remember needing her as much

as I did at that moment.

I stared at that precious hand as I held it in my own

and tried to seal it forever in my mind.

I carved every inch of her face in my mind

as I watched her slowly inching away from me.

Slipping closer to eternity with each breath.

One minute trying to be strong for her,

the next moment crying in agony.

The truth seemed too much to bear.

No pain can compare to the pain

of saying the goodbye to forever,

the final letting go.

There really is no such thing as letting go.

God had to snatch her from my grasp.

I watched helplessly as her breath

crept upward and then became sparse....

and then she was gone.

Gone.

I closed her eyes.

I walked beside her as she was carried out

of my life.

I followed beside her casket as closely as I could,

That last mile was the loneliest mile of my life.

One year ago I became a woman.

I felt completely alone for the first time in my life.

Home as I had known it was gone now.

Just as my childhood,

I could never go back there again.

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